tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36406024.post4967100916750685466..comments2023-05-31T07:45:54.628+00:00Comments on Desperate to multiply: Kicking myselfPortia Phttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08344574775614817555noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36406024.post-71441430196236752492010-04-03T13:03:10.385+00:002010-04-03T13:03:10.385+00:00Okay I can't express myself any better than ju...Okay I can't express myself any better than just to say that I agree with what Bea said. It's so hard to get it right all the time. There will always be times in life where you have something someone else does not, and vice versa. I'm one of the people who would have preferred a text or email, but others would not. It's impossible to know exactly what to say, how to say it. At least you tried and hopefully they appreciate that.Soapchickhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13899175649394809612noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36406024.post-807193435731622252010-04-02T19:31:39.429+00:002010-04-02T19:31:39.429+00:00In the first situation I think you did the right t...In the first situation I think you did the right thing. You apologised for possibly causing her pain and you let her know, inadvertently I accept, that her friend has a big mouth. Say the big mouth friend had told her she had told you and you had said nothing at all - that would have been so much worse. As to email or not - when I was in that position an email was easier to deal with than talking about my m/cs - sometimes you want to have your tears in private.<br />In your second one I think maybe text was a bit too abrupt but thats probably cos I dont text much. I'm sure you will work it out.<br /><br />Overall you have been through the mill in this arena - you have a better idea of the sensitivity needed that the vast majority of the world - you need to give yourself a break too and get to enjoy telling people your good news as well.Betty Mhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02106396238018550134noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36406024.post-34592095352456457682010-04-02T15:34:19.017+00:002010-04-02T15:34:19.017+00:00I've made some of these faux pas myself. It...I've made some of these faux pas myself. It's so hard to get it right - and sometimes, the harder we try, the worse we do! You're not alone.Hopeful Motherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15339776324264791028noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36406024.post-85327692074333072822010-04-01T13:53:22.967+00:002010-04-01T13:53:22.967+00:00Dear Portia, I know how you feel -- I've asked...Dear Portia, I know how you feel -- I've asked myself the same question. It's really hard sometimes to say the right thing, especially when you are pregnant and the other is most decidedly not. How to reach out without causing more pain, being awkward or condescending or vapid or tongue-tied or guilt-ridden or abrupt? It's really tough. When I was pregnant for the fourth time, and an IF friend was pregnant at the same as me, a very big part of me was terrified that she would lose her baby and I would go on. I was so used to being in the other position, and I knew how to navigate that -- but how to cope with being the successful one in the face of another's adversity, I had no clue. It's so natural to feel the other's pain acutely, but so hard to say the right thing nonetheless...Kathhttp://inhospitable.typepad.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36406024.post-65479062181656398452010-04-01T11:33:27.037+00:002010-04-01T11:33:27.037+00:00You can't get it right all the time, you can o...You can't get it right all the time, you can only try your best to be thoughtful and mindful. I have never been pissed off at someone for getting it wrong, only for being an arse. I think you'll be ok. <br /><br />Yeah, in hindsight maybe since you "shouldn't" have known about her pregnancy or m/c, it might have been better to just say nothing but use the info to be careful around her in future. But that was a tough call. As for the other friend... again, probably I would have left it at the first text. Some people would prefer a medium like text or email, rather than phone call or face to face, so this one has to be based on the individual you're telling. I'm sure you'll smooth it out.<br /><br />It can be equally annoying to have someone overcompensate for being the "have" against your "have not", it's a hard line to walk sometimes. I do think it comes back to intentions. If the intention is "world-look-at-me-I'm-having-a-baby-bow-down-before-me" then shape up. If you're just getting on with life and trying to get along with others getting on with theirs you should be ok. That's my opinion.<br /><br />BeaBeahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11877513815828460269noreply@blogger.com