Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Daddy's birthday

My father would have been 67 today.

He'd have celebrated with a meal out and lots of champagne. Always lover of luxury he'd have liked a glass of Krug. He'd have made a fuss if his table wasn't in the best part of the restaurant and if the champagne wasn't chilled enough. He was very particular and embarrassed us children hugely in restaurants when he complained so we'd want to hide under the table. I'd be delighted for him to come back and embarrass us again. Just to hear him say my name and call me 'darling'. For him to give me a hug like I remember the last few hugs before he got too sick to hug from his hospital bed. I'd love to smell his aftershave. I wish he was still here with us.

I hate that I can't even remember how we celebrated the last birthday we shared with him. Not a clue. Perhaps he was away - he liked the sun and spent lots of summers in the sun. A true Leo. How can such important memories fade so badly.

I'm grateful and happy that i'm carrying a little piece of him, from his gene pool - someone who will carry on my Daddy's line - if not his name. I'm sad, so sad, that my Daddy isn't here to pat my bump and tell his friends about my pending arrival (please G-d) and to smile at me as I grow.

I'm sorry - if any of you girls still hoping for your miracle are still reading about my life - that this is such a 'pregnant' post.

Happy Birthday Daddy and thank you for everything you did for me. We didn't have the perfect relationship but you gave me such a great start in life and I know you loved me in your own way. I love you.


My Reality said...

Thinking of you today.

Almamay said...

Beautiful post. Your dad sounds fantastic and I'm sure he and my dad are missing us both together.


Bee Cee said...

Happy Birthday Portia's much loved Daddy. He'll be looking down at you and smiling hun, I am sure he's a very proud man.

Carrie said...

It is so sad when we have to move forward without those we dearly want to share our lives with. I am so sorry you are missing your Dad so much. It just hurts.

I'm not religious but I do believe that, at some level, our loved ones will always be part of our lives.

I don't think this is a 'pregnant post' but even if it was that wouldn't be bad. You are pregnant and still sensitive to those of us who are left behind right now. We want to support you whatever you're feeling.

Bea said...

Happy would-have-been birthday, P's Dad.

Wishing you peace.