Wednesday, January 11, 2012

A different sort of desperation

Here I am again.

I was pondering this morning how I'm desperate to multiply again, but more of a play on words and not a need to expand our family.

The multiply in question is the magazine that me and Mr G are pinning our hopes of a financial future on. Having spent an inordinate amount of money building our family, we find ourselves in a bit of a spot financially. Our IVF spend was worth every last penny and in no way regretted, not even for a millisecond. It's not fair that we had to spend that money to achieve what others do gratis, but there it is. A part of our history and actually something i'm sort of proud of now. Weird but true. We made it through hell and came out the other side. We were one of the lucky couples and many many more weren't and aren't.

Anyway, I digress. We now have two more mouths to feed and a whole lot less money to play with. We have also been hit by the recession and are bringing in a tiny fraction of what we need, leaving me desperate for Multiply, our new webmag on fertility, to survive.

I'm pretty sure i would have pored over something that gave me that much information, but maybe i'm not indicative of those out there still struggling to build their family? Who knows.

If you do read this, please do look us up - - and give us a whirl. Tell your friends. Tell the girls at the clinic. The more people who sign up and chat on the forums the more useful it will be as a place to go for information, both formal and informal - from others in the same boat.

That's all for now. Oh, except to say, if you do read this and do look us up. Let me know, and don't be afraid of feeding back exactly what you think. Thank you.

Monday, January 09, 2012

Desperate to Multiply

I can't believe it has been more than 6 months since i posted.

Actually, I can.

My timetable of life with a 3 year old, a 1 year old and a part-time job doesn't leave me much room for posting. In any event, i'm not sure what i have to say would be of much interest to those who used to read my posts. I'm also not sure that those of you who did read are still doing much blogging or reading. I feel like i've somehow let people down. I'm not sure who, but I got so much from my blog and its readers at one point and i've no idea where everyone ended up.

It's a weird place as IF is still a huge part of my life and of who I am. I have several strong friendships both in real life and in the ether, made as a result of IF. Girls who may or may not built their families either through IVF, donor or otherwise or by adoption. Every time I look at my children i'm reminded of where they came from. The candid nature of my struggles to multiply meant that everyone who knew me was aware of our struggles. That has meant that I have become a sort of IVF mentor to several friends.

I spent years sharing my deepest, darkest stuff with my hairdresser (a cliche, I know) so that when she found herself in the same boat - several failed IVF's in and advice to give it up looming - she turned to me. I advised her to try my old clinic (the one that worked for me) and she's 19 weeks pg. (Fingers crossed) I have also talked to several others. Friends, friends of friends, mums struggling with secondary fertility issues and more.

The last way in which infertility remains a huge part of my life is that Mr G and I have set up a website aimed at helping those struggling to start their families. Multiply Magazine is an online magazine packed with articles, up to date news items and a huge glossary of info for those starting out in the scary world of infertility and those already finding their way. We launched - well Mr G launched, as my time has been too limited to allow me to be of much use to him - about a couple of months ago. Take a look - it's full of useful information you might like to pass on to friends in need. As usual, Mrs Techno Twit can't manage to post a link in. The web address is Please please send it on to those who may be interested. There's also a weekly newsletter so they'll be bang up to date with all things to do with fertility.

We're slightly at a loss as to how to direct folk our way. Any suggestions would be helpfully received along with news of how you're doing if you were one of my ladies once upon a time.

Is Stirrup-Queens still the place to go share info?

Friday, June 24, 2011

I'm still out here - picture of babies at end of post

I read somewhere that 2011 would a year of great change for many people.

It has been for us and many of our family and friends. One of Mr G's cousins died of cancer aged only 30 something. My Auntie - in her 50's is also fighting cancer. More than one marriage - at least 10 years old is on the rocks.

But it's not all bad. As the overdone saying goes - change can be good.

We have moved home. We were bursting at the seams in our London apartment. KM and I were sharing, as were Mr G and B. Not great for a marriage nor for my sleep! In our new home we have a bedroom each. Well, KM and B do and Mr G and I are rooming together again. We also have stairs. I haven't occupied a home with stairs for many years - not since I lived with my Mum when I was 17. That's a LONG time ago. I like stairs.

As I sit typing, the sounds of sirens have been replaced with...(listens)...nothing much at all. Some horses whinnying (we back onto a field of horses) a few woodpigeons and the hum of our refrigerator. That's it. I like it. If it wasn't light so darned early - we don't yet have curtains in our bedroom - then we'd be sleeping really well. We're about 30 miles out of London in Hertfordshire. It only takes 30 mins or so to get back to our old place. I actually don't miss it at all - apart from my old friends, that is, and B's nursery.

B is now just short of 2yrs 8 months and KM will be 9 months tomorrow. She's a smiley, happy baby. The image of her father and a lot like B. Funny, I wrote during my journey that I wanted a baby with Mr G's eyes. I've got that baby now but she's a girl not a boy, which I hadn't imagined.

I'm still very much in touch with IF. I'm in no way wanting more children. We're done. Too old to do this again. But, as I've always been so open about our struggles, I have several friends who've told me that they're in a similar place. Sometimes, hearing how they're getting on brings back that pain. Not as strong as it's hard to imagine how bad that place was, but a moment of sadness.

I've also taken a new job. You may remember the job that I so nearly got just before IVF5 did the job. Well, by chance i've been offered (and taken) a job editing the food page of a newspaper. I wasnt' sure I could manage that, a tiny baby, a toddler and a house move, but here I am, with several pages under my belt. (Sometimes i can't believe the place i'm in)

Life sounds good, eh? Well, it is. The fly in our ointment, is our almost total lack of income, but no matter how tough life is financially, we know we've had our share of the jackpot with KM and B. Maybe we used up all our luck with them...?

I just have a feeling of impending doom. I think it's an IVF legacy. I was so happy before we discovered our IF. Then everything came tumbling down. I'm back to happy but I can't shake this feeling of 'something has to go wrong'...

I think that's enough for now. We have a family stomach flu and it's been a long day of mopping up sick whilst trying to recover myself. I need to get myself to bed.

I do have a question for you - if anyone's out there any more:

Have you signed up to any organisations that help(ed) you cope with IF or provided information about treatments, where to go, which clinic is best? Would you/did you pay for that sort of information? Is there enough out there in one place? Would a mentor have been useful? I'd be interested to know your thoughts.

Oh - a gratuitous photo of the little ones...KM rarely wears the 'chavband' but a friend took them for the shoot and that was how it was. It's cute and stops people thinking she's a little boy - which they often do, even when she's in pink!

Tuesday, December 07, 2010

Just a quick one

I'm about to go to bed, having had one of just three evenings spent without a fussy baby sleeping on me since Kitty Mabel arrived in our lives.

I'd moan, but this isn't the place for that. I'm surrounded by ladies struggling to have their babies so i'm well aware of how lucky we are to have our second miracle safe and sound - fussy or not.

One friend - only 35 - has had 3 failed IVF's. She found out over the weekend that her FSH has shot up to 25 since the summer. This is probably down to an operation to remove endomet.riosis that took off part of one of her ovaries. She's in shock and mourning this loss. She had not been told this was a risk of having that procedure.

Another friend told me she's just had her second miscarriage in the last few months. That stinks too. She's surrounded by reproducing mothers so must be hurting. She's very private.

A third has just lost her pregnancy after her baby was found to be sick.

I'm immensely lucky to be where I am and i'm not about to forget that.

I turned 42 last Friday. On the eve of my 39th birthday I was about to start IVF4. That cycle ended a few days later when I was told i'd never have children and to give up. If anyone had told me then that i'd be the mother of not one but two babies by the time I was 42, i would have told them where to go. I would never have believed it. Mothering two is extremely tough but I have not lost sight of where i've come from.

Thank you G-d for my blessings and thank you all out there for being there for my ride so far.

NIght night x

Monday, November 01, 2010

Kitty Mabel

My daughter was born on 25th September 2010.

Life's been just a bit crazy which is why its taken me so long to post. Off for a hospital appointment now. Will write more later.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010


B's now 21 months and doing really well. At the risk of sounding like the boastful mother, his speech seems to be amazing. He can speak in short sentences and copies almost everything we say. Sometimes i hear him repeating back words from what i've been saying, even if it's not to him. He can even sing his 'ABC' from start to finish. It's extremely cute, but I do have to remember that his ears are ALWAYS listening and be careful what I say.

One word he has picked up that i'd rather he hadn't is 'injection'. He watches me injecting my daily Cle.xane and sometimes gets a little upset as he doesn't like anyone doing anything to Mummy - even, it seems, Mummy herself. Anyway, yesterday, he had the syringe that we use to give him his medication (he has a summer head cold) and he started play injecting it into his tummy saying 'injection'. He then did it to me and to his teddy. It's great that he's taking it all in, but I felt a little sad that he should be seeing something like that.

I suppose it's part of life for us IV.F mothers and on the plus side, perhaps he won't be as scared of having injections himself when he has his next vaccinations. Until he feels that it does actually hurt a bit, that is!

I'm doing fine. I've 7 or 8 weeks to go now until the little one arrives (touch wood) and i'm starting to really feel a bit tired. My back is hugely achey - Mr G has taken B this afternoon to give me a bit of a break. I've no complaints at all though. I've friends around me trying for children who haven't had much luck. That feels very weird indeed. That's my job - to be the unsuccessful one. I try to be sensitive and supportive but without being too pushy as to what's going on for them. One has miscarried and would have been due at around the same time as me. I feel bad just being around her, but see her all the time. I don't want to ask her too much as she's a very private person, but i hope I can do the right thing by her.

I just hope and pray that this little one arrives healthy.

Sunday, August 01, 2010

It's been a while (again).

I've had a few thoughts over the last 6 weeks but never seem to find time to get them down on screen.

One has been indignation at all the IV.F scare stories. Every day (well almost) one of our daily nationals carries some bad news story about IVF treatment or babies. It's like they're trying to find stuff to wind us up. Some of the recent headlines have been: "IV.F babies more likely to get cancer", "IV.F babies more likely to be still born" and one last week " IV.F mothers more likely to die in childbirth"!

That last one was the most ridiculous. The one example of a mother who had died in childbirth had died when the anaesthetist had put the oxygen tube down the wrong passage. What's THAT got to do with IV.F for goodnessake?!! I'd link to the piece, but it was in our Sunday Times - which has retreated behind a pay wall. I've found a link to the stats in another paper here

I'm willing to accept that there are more older mums which is perhaps as a result of IV.F but enough already with the scare stories. I can come up with enough scarey stuff on my own!

I'm nearly 31 weeks, and, other than being tired, am (touch wood) doing ok. B is as gorgeous as ever. Can sing his whole ABC now - I especially like how he was W - "wubblewoo". SO totally cute!

I'll post more soon. If I keep it short perhaps i'll manage more than one post each 6 weeks!