Saturday, March 31, 2007

Ain't nothing goin' on but...some toothache

All quiet. Nothing much goin' on on the symptom front at all. I have HUGE progesterone pumped - and extremely tender - bosoms.

Mr G hs put in a vote for me to keep taking that particular drug as he can't believe his luck. As I'm a 150% out of bounds baby neurotic zone, he can't do much but admire them from afar.

Other than my inflated chest and some delightful white snail trail discharge which gives me a scare when I visit the toilet, there's not a lot to report. I've had a few lightheaded moments, but that may be too long between meals. I'm trying to eat regularly and much protein but have not always managed to get fuelled in good time. Note to self - must not get over hungry.

I've been fairly positive all week and have just arrived at "I can't bear the thought of it all going wrong...again" city. I will have to, but the weight of misery is too too much to contemplate. So I have tried not to.

Had fun with toothache yesteday. I particularly hate going to the dentist, so will only go if I really need to. I bit on something on Wed night and the pain was HUGE. Thought it might go away but it stayed all day Thursday. Gave in and booked an appt for friday and trotted down to the surgery with Mr G - who volunteered to come with me to keep me calm. Bless. I spent thursday being petrified and asking every medical source I could find if I could have dental anaesthetic. All said yes. I was super anxious that the anxiety was bad for my embryo chances and felt that all my efforts at calm had been hijacked.

Anyway, magically, the pain vanished once I was in the dentist's chair! He said that can happen and does quite a lot. After all that worrying, he did nothing other than a bit of tapping, water spraying and applying of desensitising stuff. I had the same pain last year he tells me and reckons it's potentially root canal work. Nice. Anyway, I skipped out of there unscathed - how much better is the exit from the dentist than the long walk in...!

So, nothing else to report. Work this morning - a private cooking lesson - cancelled as she's not well, so, having planned it yesterday i had an unexpected morning off which was a bonus.

As i'm feeling bloated and lardy am about to head out into the sun for a stroll in the park.

Hope all's well with you girlies out there waiting with me. I'll catch up with your blogs over the weekend.

Monday, March 26, 2007

2 magpies

Well, we're still in the easy bit - 3 days past transfer - and i'm doing ok. The sun is shining on my little corner of NW London today.

I was determined I wasn't going to get all superstitious this time. Interpreting every green light and sunny day as a sign from up high that things were/are going well. But it's a beautiful spring day - really warm and sunny - and i'm sitting (with my feet up of course) in the garden and there are TWO MAGPIES strutting around right in front of me. (For those that are unaware of this superstition - if you see one magpie, that means sorrow coming your way and two mean joy!)

Ok, all right already, I KNOW that the presence of two black and white feathered creatures (readily found in any corner of this green and pleasant land) does not mean that my embryos are busily muliplying and dividing as I type. Still, a girl's gotta hope and it's a whole lot better than a gloomy grey day with one magpie struttin about outside Makes me feel better!

Last day of sitting on my behind - which will mean i've taken it easy for 2 and a half days post transfer, which I think is pretty good going.

Apart from a touch of constipation (sorry if that's TMI) some mild cramping and a bit of lower back discomfort (not even meriting the label of pain) i'm ok.


Saturday, March 24, 2007

All aboard

Well, here we are again! We've made it through another cycle to transfer. A few hours ago a v lovely Italian lady doctor (Dottore) - standing in for our regular consultant who couldn't be with us today - transferred our 2 new embies back to my safe care.

It was the usual traumatic wait with full bladder as they were running v late today. They had NINE transfers to do! Wonder how many of us will be smiling in two weeks' time?

Before the transfer we stopped off for an acupuncture session at a clinic that will treat girls on their way to and from transfer. I had to wait a while to be seen but felt relaxed afterwards. Mr G bought me a brioche as i'd not had time to eat breakfast. I felt a bit ropey as I ate far too much fish and chips last night. That and the progesterone pessaries are playing havoc with my guts. Need to watch what i'm eating I think.

At the clinic we had to identify ourselves and make sure we were the right people to receive the precious cargo. Turns out both had developed fine overnight. Both marked down as top quality but I think not quite as good as last time. One had got to 4 cells and the other was 3 - on the way to 4. They were pleased with them.

Lovely Dottore talked us through the whole procedure and kept us entertained but told Mr G off for making us laugh halfway through. He was v moved to see them launched on screen in a cloud of fluid into my uterus.

After we signed for them we went back for a post-transfer acupuncuture - which involved another half hour wait in reception during which Mr G got v cross with the useless receptionist. Whilst i relaxed with the needles Mr G went off to some posh food stores to stock up with goodies for our time at home this weekend.

I'm now on my sofa with a stack of DVD's, mug of tea, pile of magazines and cooking shows on tv. Total pampering.

Not sure how I feel this time. We've done all we can, the doc's have done all they can. All we can do now is wait and hope that these are the ones and that in 2 weeks time we get a BFP and in nine months time we get a BFbaby!

Good luck to all of you others out there starting your wait xx

Friday, March 23, 2007

Diminishing returns and hubbie gets a pseudonym

The clinic called well before expected.

The information note they sent us home with said between 11.30 and 1pm. At 10.10am, having started my day slowly (as i'm still a bit crampy, tired and spotting) I was just thinking of what I should do to distract myself from waiting for news when the home phone rang. As no one except my parents and in-laws rings my landline I was pretty sure it was the news i'd been waiting for.

Assuring me it was good news, Fatima - the embryologist we met last time - told me that 1 egg had not survived the ICSI process as it was full of holes (not good) and one had just not fertilised. The other two have fertilised! Thank goodness. Whilst 4 would have been great and 3 very nice news, we're consoling ourselves with the old "you only need one" mantra. Whilst it's true, it would have been good to have one to add to our frostie collection, but the poor lonely frosticle will have to remain alone for now.

We discussed it last night in bed and my hubbie - need to find a pseudonym for him - said he expected 2. I think the general mood here is optimism tinged with slight gloom at the fall-out rate. My mum asked me how i felt about it - suppose she thought I might be upset, but i'm remaining externally upbeat. Don't want her worrying any more than she alerady does.

So, we've been asked to go back tomorrow at 11.40 to have them transferred. I asked the embryologist what can still go wrong and she said they may not divide normally. I now am worried about that BUT she did say there's no reason to expect that.

Lets hope those embies keeping on growing so they can come to Mama tomorrow! Then we'll be into the 2WW which ends 2 days before our first wedding anniversary. We'll be on a romantic weekend in Normandy by then. Ooooh the suspense.

My job now is to keep calm and RELAX!

Oh, forgot to mention how crap yesterday's anaesthatist was. He jammed the big needle/catheter thing into my hand THREE times before he found a vein. He got all flustered and panicky and it took all my deep breathing to stay calm. As that was the one bit I was a bit nervous about it wasn't great, and i've 2 HUGE bruises on my hand now. Still, the anaesthetic worked a treat and I woke up feeling like i'd had the best sleep!

Fingers crossed for our egg/embryos tonight and thinking of all you glriles in the same boat. Again, the notes of support are lovely.

Deep down i'm a little pessimistic about this cycle, especially as things have been less good than last time, but i'm reallyk, really trying to bat away those negative thought.

On hubbies' pseudonym...I already use a v appropriate one in my restaurant review column which would give the game away. Think i'll go for Mr G. JUst need to remember to use it now!


Thursday, March 22, 2007

Best possible result!

Well, i'm back home with my feet up and i'm smiling!

When I came round from the anaesthetic, the lovely nurse - Sian - told me how i'd done. A few minutes later my hubbie and the Doc popped their heads around the door to tell me the news again! Apparently I was all weak and girlie voiced but v happy.

FOUR eggs! The best news we could have had from our four follicles. My gorgeous hubbie has now done his bit. Apparently they still haven't changed the porno mag in the w**king room (wonder what the proper name is for the room allotted for providing samples) - although i'm SURE he didn't even glance inside the mags....!

Now it's all in the hands of the embryologists.

As hubbie had to go off to a meeting my Mum and Dad came to pick me up and are now spoiling me at home. I'm being waited on hand and foot. This bit's stressful but also nice - a bit of a lull when I can bask in the pleasure of having managed to push out my four eggs and before we start the horrible 2WW. I so hope we get to start that wait!

Time to switch off and relax a bit.

Hope you girlies who triggered with me are doing ok and thanks to all of you posting comments - it means such a lot to know you're out there!


Wednesday, March 21, 2007


Despite my having spent much of the last few days with a hot water bottle stuck down my trousers - warming those ovaries, Tuesday's scan showed a little slowing down of growth. Three of those little angels were over the line but the smallest had stayed still. Aaaaaargh!!

I waited all day to hear back from the clnic as to whether they'd trigger tuesday or wednesday. In need of some success stories, I sat down to watch one of the Dr Robert Winston IVF programmes that i'd taped last year, but couldn't face watching after our first failure. It showed 2 couples who'd had umpteen failed goes at IVF. One of the ladies - a midwife - was reaching the end of her tether and had to remortgage their home to pay for the next treatment when she and her hubby were trying PGS - genetic screening of the embryos. The other couple seemed to have endless cash and went off to try their chances with ARGC and the controversial Dr Taranissi. I won't ramble on about it, but the end result was a failure for the midwife but eventual twin pg for the rich folk on their NINTH attempt. Whilst I don't fancy nine goes, at least it showed you can get there in the end.

Pepped up by that, I was pleased to hear i was to be triggered on that night. By the time they called I was late to go and meet my buddy before our MindBody session and had to jam in my last dose of Menopur before I left - v relaxing...not!

I triggered last night at 10pm. The huge syringe of Pregnyl really stung going in and has felt v bruised today.

Today i've taken a walk in the sun. Filed my weekly restaurant review, got some groceries in and had an acupuncture session. I wanted to give those eggs a last minute push, but felt like i'd wasted my money slightly, as apparently, the trigger stops the eggs growing, so the acupunturist just did a calming type treatment. After paying the huge treatment bill I was probably more stressed than before!

My darling hubbie is nagging me to take it easy, so i'll keep this short. Cross your fingers and say some prayers for me and hope that I can push out a few good eggs tomorrow at 9am xx

Sunday, March 18, 2007

Still in the game...

Well, it's now Sunday and things are slightly brighter. The sun's still shining outside too!

After tears all day Wed and full-on panic by the time Friday morning came, my ovaries had managed to push out another couple of follicles. Grand total - FIVE! Still not going to win "best in show" but getting there. My blood was taken to check there's some oestrodol (sure that's spelt wrong) action as that had been light too on Wed. Things had improved. More than double the oestrodol and the lining now thickening. Promising. A much smilier girl left the clinic.

I had an acupuncture session on Friday where all stops were pulled out. Electrodes attached to needles above my ovaries and moxa burning on points over my knees! I was a human pin cushion! I've drunk several gallons of water and am walking around with a hot water bottle stuck to my abdomen!

Toda's scan (Sunday) showed 4 follicles on the move. 1 big enough, 3 behind and 2 still idling. GET A MOVE ON!!!! I've got to go back tomorrow to see what's going on and to decide when to release them. As luck would have it, we were at the clinic all day anyway today, doing the Mind Body course, which involved some yoga, some picture drawing and stuff on communicating with our partners. Good relaxing stuff, and oddly comforting. Surrounded by people who get it and who care.

I'm more hopeful and trying to banish the negative thoughts that pop back into my mind. Fingers crossed that the eggs we have pop out, fertlise and return to mama as perfect embryos that grow up to be beautfiul babies!


Thursday, March 15, 2007


Can't believe its been three weeks since my last entry!

Been quite busy with work and stuff and hormonal ups and downs of life with IVF. Although there have been quite a few interesting moments, the last two days have FORCED me to fire up the Blogger machine as I HAVE to share them.

Yesterday was the first scan since i've been stimming. I was quietly hopeful. The hormones had clearly been doing their job this time. A definite suppression was evidenced by my teary outbursts and irrational behaviour. There was window of normality - of one evening - as the Menopur ironed out the Buserelin (down reg drug) and I behaved like a normal person. That closed as the Menopur took over and I returned to IVF woman. The tears returned the next day. I've also had a hugely upset tummy and the odd headache.

Anyway, back to the story. All drugged up, I was hopeful of a better score than last time (I think you know where i'm going with this by now) but hugely nervous as I made my way to the clinic. Trouble on the tube - and my leaving late, meant I arrived late, stressed and even more anxious than when I set out. Thee was a new scanning lady there - who kept pronouncing my name wrong and seemed to think i'd be happy dropping my knickers without a curtain between us to protect what's left of my modesty. She was nice enough, but not so nice that she couldn't magic up more than the three (THREE!!!) measly follicles my ovaries had managed to produce. What were they thinking of? Sitting there relaxing when they're meant to be on full steam ahead.

I was mortified. Back in the waiting room there were two ladies with small children. MESSAGE FOR THOSE ALREADY BLESSED - LEAVE YOUR CHILDREN AT HOME WHEN YOU GO FOR AN APPOINTMENT!!! it's just not fair. One of them - scanned after me - returned to announce 10 follicles. That's really not on. Why should she - with her small child - have so many more than me?!

We waited ages to see the nurse and when we did, I could no longer contain the (very hormonal) tears. The nurse we saw - i'd already rejected one nurse because I don't like her very much and couldn't face hearing my bad news confirmed by her - the nurse we saw, was so sweet. She said that i'd only had a poor response last time (great) but that my eggs and embryos had been v good quality. They found our specialist - who happened to be in the clniic - and he came to see me to say "dont' worry" as he expected this and all's ok. My darling husband tried to calm me down, was v sweet, but by now had to rush off to a business meeting. I'd calmed down a bit and insisted he go.

Anyway, after a day of tears - yesterday - i'm more positive today. I only need the one and that's what we'll be aiming for!

Second story involves today's outing. Possibly the weirdest and yet most comedy moment yet in our IVF journey. We went to see a hynotherapist. He is the weirdest looking man - nearly 70 (as he kept telling us) with a brown wig and dyed brown beard and dyed brown eye brows plus thick fake tan. The brownest man i've seen! Had to stare at him. He kept telling my husband that we should keep having "abundant s*x" (Not sure if I should write the "S" word in full or I might appear in places I don't want to. He advised that hubbie should delay his ejac****n and asked if he knew how. Hubbie said he knew, but the minute I went to the toilet, hypno man started giving an indepth description of how my boy should control himself. It took all our efforts not to giggle. We couldn't look at each other for a second. I don't think i've ever felt so uncomfortable in my life. At least it cheered us up and took my mind off yesterday's antics!

Fingers crossed for some more follies tomorrow x

Thursday, March 01, 2007

Paul McCartney

Wasn't going to write again today, but last night we had a superb star spot.

We'd gone out to buy a fan heater - it's still SO COLD in the flat whilst we are without heat. We spent 20 minutes discussing which one to buy and what difference there was (if any) between them and came to a unilateral decision (mine) to go cheap as we only need it for a night. We left the cash desk with my darling boy insisting we'd bought the wrong heater and that the more expensive one - he wanted - would be better. I was a bit dehydated, so MDB wanted to get me some water from the vending machine. The machine (of course) ate our money and kept the bottle of water. Another 10 mins was spent getting a refund.

By the time that was all done we were hungry and decided to go for an early supper. Some more discussions took place - what did we fancy? which area did we want to be in? which restaurant etc. We ended up in an Italian restaurant that looked really, really quiet. 4 waiters were hanging around and rushed to help us. We felt sorry for them. This was at 7pm. AT 7.45, people started turning up in their droves and by 8.10 it was PACKED! Obviously a local favourite. As I write about restaurants for a living I decided i had this week's column - this place obviously is extremely successful. Some restaurant critic I am - we'd only gone in as we thought it sad that the waiters were all hanging around. Anyway, before you get bored ridged and return a more exciting blog of a far more interesting infertile, the piece de resistance arrived. Mr McCartney with young woman with dark hair - not Stella but possibly his other daughter, Mary. The whole restaurant turned to stare as he walked to the rear dining area. He is SUCH a star - almost royalty really!

I introduced myself to the manager as I left to let him know i'd be writing about the place. Turns out this is a fave haunt of PM's and he's been going for 25 years! The place has been there for 40 years - and we'd felt sorry for them! Just shows.

Anyway, i'm off to take a headache pill - the supression headache's returned - maybe too little water yesterday? The drilling from the plumber installing our new boiler isn't helping.

Never mind - it's all in a good cause!