Monday, June 21, 2010

Happy to have helped

I'm now 25 weeks and looking obviously pg. I'm sure you're bored of hearing this by now, but i still feel taken aback by way things have gone. I feel sure our luck has to run out at some point as i've gone from advice we'd never have children of our own to having my wonderful little boy and now a second pregnancy. In my darker moments I worry that this little one may have something wrong with her. How could we really be this lucky? Surely something has to drag us down again. After all, that's the way life has gone so far. Perhaps that's just the mantle of IF that i'll never shake. The belief that we're just not meant to have it easy. I think there's a large helping of survivor's guilt.

Things aren't easy for Mr G and I on the financial front. We've been struggling pretty well since B was born and Mr G has had some bad professional luck over the years since we married. I'm not going to go into it as that would not be right, but it's enough to say that whilst we've had some lucky breaks in our family life, it hasn't crossed into that side of things. Having been through the IF mill though, i'm very aware of my blessings and would not change a thing. You realise what's important when you've fought for fertility.

The story i wanted to tell - and i'm sorry for digressing so far, was about meeting someone in the playground today. I'd travelled to a different area to meet a friend today. Barney and I were playing on one of the big toy cars when another mum and her 2 and a bit yr old came over to share it. She and I got talking and it turned out we were pretty well the same age and had been to neighbouring schools. For some reason - i'm not sure why - i told her that Barney was as a result of several IVF's. She told me her little boy was also an IVF baby - her first attempt, but one she waited 6 months for as her ovaries had not cooperated until she did 6 months of Chinese herbs/acu.puncture etc. She'd been at the evil clinic that told me not to bother.

I told her i'd written about our IF experience in a newspaper and her eyes filled with tears when she told me how she'd read each one and how much it had helped her and her husband. Her parents had refused to talk about it but had also read our columns. I welled up too. I was so pleased that we were able to touch others going through the same thing.

She's been told she shouldn't bother trying for a second child and is having a really hard time of it. I know how she feels but didn't feel there was much I could say to help her. I had all of her feelings, but how can I stand there with a belly full of baby spouting sympathy. It would seem patronising, so I kept schtum. I did tell her to get a consultation at my clinic. Her clinic is all too ready to write off the bad cases in case their numbers are affected, but she might as well get a second opinion. I think a key to all of this is to keep on trying. If i'd given up on their advice, who knows where i'd be now.


Bea said...

That's such good feedback! Makes it worthwhile.

I agree with you - never give up without a second opinion, unless you are really, actually ready and wanting to move on. Too many times another doctor will have a different approach which will work better for you.

Hope those financial troubles get sorted out.


Betty M said...

Good to hear from you. Hoping that the financial stuff gets some good luck soon. It is a pretty tough time for a lot of people I know.

I totally agree with you that your friend shouldnt take the first no for an answer. Hope she gets more encouraging news from a 2nd opinion

Bee Cee said...

So glad to hear baby girl is doing well, there's no point in telling you not to worry, but just enjoy. It's great being able to help, well done you x

Soapchick said...

Ooops can't believe I didn't comment on this and it's been a few weeks. Bad me. I'm so glad that you were able to talk to that woman and maybe refer her to your clinic. You just never know. I hope you are feeling well and you are not getting the heat we are here in the US - holy toledo it is HOT!!!