Diminishing returns and hubbie gets a pseudonym

The clinic called well before expected.

The information note they sent us home with said between 11.30 and 1pm. At 10.10am, having started my day slowly (as i'm still a bit crampy, tired and spotting) I was just thinking of what I should do to distract myself from waiting for news when the home phone rang. As no one except my parents and in-laws rings my landline I was pretty sure it was the news i'd been waiting for.

Assuring me it was good news, Fatima - the embryologist we met last time - told me that 1 egg had not survived the ICSI process as it was full of holes (not good) and one had just not fertilised. The other two have fertilised! Thank goodness. Whilst 4 would have been great and 3 very nice news, we're consoling ourselves with the old "you only need one" mantra. Whilst it's true, it would have been good to have one to add to our frostie collection, but the poor lonely frosticle will have to remain alone for now.

We discussed it last night in bed and my hubbie - need to find a pseudonym for him - said he expected 2. I think the general mood here is optimism tinged with slight gloom at the fall-out rate. My mum asked me how i felt about it - suppose she thought I might be upset, but i'm remaining externally upbeat. Don't want her worrying any more than she alerady does.

So, we've been asked to go back tomorrow at 11.40 to have them transferred. I asked the embryologist what can still go wrong and she said they may not divide normally. I now am worried about that BUT she did say there's no reason to expect that.

Lets hope those embies keeping on growing so they can come to Mama tomorrow! Then we'll be into the 2WW which ends 2 days before our first wedding anniversary. We'll be on a romantic weekend in Normandy by then. Ooooh the suspense.

My job now is to keep calm and RELAX!

Oh, forgot to mention how crap yesterday's anaesthatist was. He jammed the big needle/catheter thing into my hand THREE times before he found a vein. He got all flustered and panicky and it took all my deep breathing to stay calm. As that was the one bit I was a bit nervous about it wasn't great, and i've 2 HUGE bruises on my hand now. Still, the anaesthetic worked a treat and I woke up feeling like i'd had the best sleep!

Fingers crossed for our egg/embryos tonight and thinking of all you glriles in the same boat. Again, the notes of support are lovely.

Deep down i'm a little pessimistic about this cycle, especially as things have been less good than last time, but i'm reallyk, really trying to bat away those negative thought.

On hubbies' pseudonym...I already use a v appropriate one in my restaurant review column which would give the game away. Think i'll go for Mr G. JUst need to remember to use it now!

xx