Vanilla Ice Cream

DH has returned from his travels. Lovely to have him home, but I actually wasn't too bad without him. I made lots of plans, worked and enjoyed having the flat to myself for a while! I thought i'd be the weeping wreck like I was when he went away for a weekend during the last cycle. Show how far i've come in my return to normality really.

I had quite a busy week. I had our first NHS (National Health Service ie: free) IVF appt on the Thursday he left and then, on Friday, a long chat with the Dr from the Hospital that diagnosed the abnormalities with his sperm NHS appt was fine. My auntie came with me to hold my hand - well, she met me there when I was finished and we had a chat and a coffee. I'm feeling more and more guilty with each coffee as I should be off it, but how many things can I give up in my life?! I've stopped the one a day habit and probably have one every other day now. I also have about 3 (large) glasses of wine a week now. Less than 6 units, but as soon as we get into the next treatment, I suppose that has to go to.

Anyway, I digress. The NHS appt was fruitful but with more dilemmas. Yes we're entitled. Our diagnosis is so clearcut that IVF is the only option. We'll be referred straight to the IVF unit, but have to have a raft of tests first. One test has a 3/4 month waiting list as they only do it on a Monday!! How rubbish is that! As Bank Holidays (public holidays) happen on a Monday, they lose whole days to do the test and the list just gets longer...

Once we're referred there's another wait of a few months before we can be seen. Although we're strictly entitled to 3 cycles, the cut-off age is 40, and with the waiting times, we won't get a three in during the two years i've got before the dreaded 'four-O"! We can go private to get some in more quickly, but if we do, we get one less free (on the NHS). They say that after 3 goes your chances of success reduce, so if we were to have (and admit to) three private treatments we'd lose our right to the NHS ones! It's SO unfair!

As the NHS one won't happen for several months, we want to try to fit another private one in first. We don't really want to have to tell them about that, so we'll have to try to fit in the tests around that. I need to have the hormone tests done some time after the cycle or they'll get some very strange results. IF the private cycles works (please, please, please) then all this will be irrelevant in any event. It's just all so complicated!

The sperm Dr basically told me we have no hope of doing this alone. He thinds, DH's sperm are abnormal because of a genetic problem. He was born that way, and no amount of vitamins, loose pants or brazil nuts are going to change things. The abnormal tails will always be that way! I was sort of ok about it, as if there's nothing we can do, we just have to relax and get on with the IVF.

Talking of relaxing, the relaxation course has been postponed a week. That's particularlyl UN-relaxing as I was really looking forward to getting relaxed! Now, i'm stressed about waiting another week AND it's one less week before the main event of the next cycle. Never mind. As DH says, it's really not worth stressng about.

I'm not sleeping v well at the moment. Not sure why. Maybe it's having a snoring DH back in the bed. Don't know really. Hope it doesn't last.

Anyway, I should finish this epic, as i'm in the middle of testing my new ice cream machine. I'm making vanilla ice-cream which, incidentally is also banned. This time by my acupuncturist. She says all iced things will be bad for my reproduction! I can (just about) deal with the fact that my chances of multiplying are reliant on thousands of pounds and a team of Dr's, but when ice cream, coffee, alchohol and who knows what else are off the menu, it's just too much!

I wanted to mention that I read that the chances of being a victim of crime in the UK are now 25% - not dissimilar to my chances of having a baby via IVF. There's a joke in there, but i'm not quite sure where at the moment, or if it'll be funny...with our luck, someone will steal our embryos.

I really will go now - only 20 mins until the BB final (Big Brother) and DH wants pasta to eat in front of TV - not to mention vanilla ice cream - but I need to share that despite being hormonally more or less back to normal, Cycle one seems to have left me with far worse PMT than I had before. I used to have one or two weepy days but now i have a series of terrorist-like ones. Far more unreasonable and churning anger inside. I'm not sure if it's perhaps anger about our situation. Either way, it's not great, but, as I'm actually looking forward to AF this month so I can get dates in the diary for countdown to Cycle 2!

Loads of love to and fingers crossed for Hopeful Mother xxx