Friday, September 04, 2009

Adoption sure ain't the easy route

Whilst we're going to use our frostie we're well aware of the miniscule chances of that working.

So, we're also looking at adoption - something we'd already decided we'd like to do to grow our family. I spoke to Norwood yesterday. They're the adoption agency we'd like to use and who we spoke to before IV.F 5 worked.

I've spoken to two social workers in the last couple of days. The first started by telling me they couldn't help us (full stop).

Good start.

She said that our local council don't have a contract with them (Norwood) for international adoption. I said we'd consider domestic now (unlike last time) so perhaps she COULD help us. A friend (who i don't know very, very well) had just arrived at my flat as I took the call so i said i would have to speak later. The (Anti)Social worker told me someone else would call the next day.

Next day a more social worker called. We had a more productive chat, but one which was perhaps even more frustrating. She told me that as a white, Je.wish couple we had zero chance of adopting a baby (young or old) in this country or adopting a smallish child without siblings. (Door slams in face)

She went on to say that international adoption (from Russia most likely) was our only real chance. (This is going to cost no less than £35-40,000!!!)

Despite the fact we are now 40 (41 in December) and 42, we are also too early to apply to adopt at all as B is too young!! He will need to be at least a year before they'll even talk to us. This is to give a big enough age difference between him and the adopted baby. THEY WON'T EVEN TALK TO US YET despite the fact there's less than two months til he's one!

Sooooooo - if we want to adopt a child that has no parents of his or her own, we'll need to wait until our mid 40's (as it'll take a couple of years once we start) AND spend a HUGE sum of money we don't really have.

It was a calm and civil chat - i understand the need for a decent age gap to give both children enough care - BUT WTF???!!! I said that they're pushing us toward IV.F again. It'll be cheaper and quicker than adoption.

Once i'd sat down and thought about it i realised the pros of going the adoption route (if we can afford it):

1. We could spend the same on IV.F (which we did last time - well a bit less) BUT not be guaranteed a healthy (or any) baby after all of that (Of course, if we were successful first time (ha ha) we'd spend a quarter of that
2. Although we'd have to wait, it's the equivalent of my getting pg much sooner. Even if I got pg tomorrow - which obviously won't happen - I wouldn't have a 12 or 14 month old baby until 21 to 23 months time - nearly two years. If we adopted we'd be in that place about the same time. If it took us two years of treatment I might be 42 nearly 43 by the time i managed even to conceive.
3. No injections
4. No injections!
5. We'd be giving a home to a baby who might otherwise grow up in an orphanage.

The con is the money and the fact that i'd dearly love to be pg again and bring up a baby from newborn BUT i know how lucky I was to do that once. I should be grateful i've done it at all and at least I have. (I know i'll still yearn to do it again, but that's not necessarily the route i'm meant to follow.

If you've stayed with my ramblings, well done! Apologies for this but it's actually helped to clarify things a little for me.

Must go - have supper to prepare and all B's food for tomorrow as Mr G is on duty. I'm off to work in the morning !!

ps: Friend on bedrest is at home but cervix is shortening further. She's 27 weeks - i think - so i've everything crossed for her


tryingin2007 said...

I would love to adopt now too. man, they really don't make it easy. that's just so unfair.

Alex and Jill said...

I think it's so sad how hard it is for couples to adopt. Like you said, these children have no parents, no home. We want to adopt in the future and probably should be saving for it now.

I'll be praying that God opens a door, if adoption is the route you're supposed to take.


My Reality said...

I don't understand why adoption has to be so difficult and expensive. I know there do have to be safety checks. But some of the requirements are over the top. In the end, I think it is the children who suffer, especially in international adoption. They could be at home with parents who love them, but instead, they are in an orphanage.

Soapchick said...

Wow, that is a crappy system. I hope you can figure out a way to adopt somewhere else. You are such a great mom and B would love a sibling!

Betty M said...

Don't lose heart it is possible. My friend (she is white) did manage to adopt a baby not so long ago. Similar part of town to you. But it really shouldn't be so very hard should it.