Monday, May 07, 2007

Bank Holiday gloom...

Why are bank holidays always gloomy and grey? We've had the best April for years which (global warming aside) has cheered things up no end. Bring on the May bank holiday and it's grey and rainy!

Mr G and I have really struggled this weekend with our grey and gloomy mood. It's so hard when both of us are feeling the IVF pain together. When only one of us is down the other can pull it back. Sometimes it ends up with a mood swap - so the down one is then up and the up one is down....stay with me on this! I've done lots of sobbing this weekend. I spent much of Saturday reappplying make up to sore red eyes and went to sleep last night with tears on my cheeks.

The inbetween cycle parts are the hardest to deal with. Powerless to do anything but be, and waiting to get back the high of being in treatment, you just dwell on the misery of the situation and worry if it'll every change. It's at these times I feel like giving it all up, but actually am too scared to give it up because then we'll never be 3.

I'm also really struggling not to eat like a hog. Every day starts with good intentions and ends in piles of cake or just feeling disappointed with my lack of will power. I've got to go to 2 black tie balls - next Friday and Monday, and, if I don't do something, i'll have nothing to wear as all my smart dresses are about a size too small at the moment. I think it's actually a bit late by now - perhaps fruit and veg for a week and some "hold-you-in" pants - well, "hold-you-in" wet suit perhaps!

I made supper for friends on Saturday. A pea, mint, avo and feta salad, then salmon roasted with home-made pesto and pecorino crust, herbed new potato cakes and spinach and then lemon parfait - made with home-made lemon curd - with summer berries and some home-made almond tuile biscuits. It was meant to be healthy, but we all felt so stuffed afterwards i'm sure it wasn't!

Enough moaning. A news story here in the UK has really upset us. A 3 yr old girl has been abducted whilst holidaying in Portugal with her family. The parents (both medical doctors) left her with her twin baby brother and sister sleeping in the apartment. They were eating dinner about 150yds away and checking each half hour. Someone broke in and stole the little girl from her bed!

What where they thinking?! The bit that has really struck us about this is that all 3 children were IVF babies. I can't imagine how anyone would feel losing a child like that, but how must you feel having gone through all of that to have a child and then lose her like that. They must be torn in pieces. How could the parents have just left their babies like that though? Easy to point out - but who knows what the situation was.

Here's a pic of little Maddie:

Please g-d they find her safe and well. Our thoughts and prayers are with that family.


Changing Expectations said...

Hi Portia, thanks for your comment on my blog. I understand how you are feeling. Hang in there.

Your dinner sounds like it was a lot of fun and delish! Try not to be too hard on yourself re: the black tie events. This IF is so hard that putting other things on top sometimes is just too much!

I have not heard about the abduction in the States. Oh my gosh, I can't believe it. How horrible for the family. I will be praying for her safe return.

Baby Blues said...

I heard the news about the abduction over C.NN, but I didn't know she's an IVF baby. That's terribly sad and horrible!

Thalia said...

I had very much the same reaction as you - horror at the abduction, and slight disbelief that they'd leave the children alone in the apartment, even given how close they were.

I feel we can't complain about the weather given how gorgeous it was at easter. I hope your day got better.

Becks said...

I've seen lots on the UK news about the little girl, like Baby Blues, though I didn't know she was an IVF baby. I do hope they find her very soon.

I know the weather hasn't been great - but it beats work for me.

Hope you enjoy the black tie events, I bet you will look fabulous.

Foreverhopeful said...

Hi Portia.. :) Thanks for leaving a comment on my blog and I just found yours. I'm so sorry you and Dh are both feeling down. I know it comes and goes and I hope you feel better soon.

That's the first time I heard about the abduction and I'm completely in shock and horrified over the news. I feel the same way, why would they leave their children alone especially in a foreign country? That little girl and the family will definitely be in my prayers.

Reproductive Jeans said...

I would love to come visit you and stand in your kitchen while you cook--sounds like a great meal you made your friends.
I can identify with just "being" as we wait for our upcoming IVF--I sometimes just want to STAY right here-since Im scared of what is on the other side.
Im sorry for the mood swings and red eyes...I am thinking about you!