Busy week

Thanks for all of your support ladies. You've been wonderful. I'm not sure how i'd be getting through some of these days without this network. Maybe one day i'll get to meet some of you.

Been a packed old week.

I've been teaching (cooking) monday, tuesday and wednesday and did some catering on Friday - hard work and HOT as the weather here has finally worked out it's summer! In between we had our follow up appointment with Big Hair.

Neither Mr G nor I were looking forward to our follow up appointment, to walking back into the clinic after a third failure. I felt like that after our first failed treatement but strangely was ok after the second time. This was as bad as it could have been. It was the night of the clinic's summer party and EVERYONE was in. Within minutes we saw the kindly receptionist, the counsellor we've had our counselling with, the nurse who did the most recent transfer, lovely Aussie sweetheart nurse and the girl who ran the Mind Body group.

It couldn't have been worse! They were all lovely, lovely, lovely. I got a hug from the transfer nurse and much kindness from all of them. They're all really upset for us. Thing is, I can deal with this stuff until someone's nice to me. Mr G knew I was in big danger of losing it. I just about held it together. Ridiculously, I feel like i'm letting them down too!

After a short wait, Big Hair appeared. First thing he says is "Why aren't you pregnant?". I said he should tell me! He thought the cycle went really well. Good lining, usual response, better transfer but still only 90 - 95% out of 100%. . He'd also have liked to see more eggs - that makes two of us! He has a gut feeling this is going to work for us - which is actually what the counsellor said too - but thinks that my low reserve means we'll need a few more goes to get there.

Our chances are down from 30% to 10-20% but then that's no surprise. He followed that by saying that it's actually either 0% or 100% - you're pregnant or you're not.

He sees that we have 3 options:

1. We go for the NH.S appt next and he's happy to advise us throughout by phone or email.

2. We go to another clinic - the Lo.ndon one with the best results. Again he'd be happy to mentor us throughout.

3. We do another cycle with him.
If we do stay with him, he'd do all the scans personally - for which he'd have to cross Lon.don each day to scan me at 8am to get back for his other clinic. Before the cycle we could test FSH and only do the cycle if mine is below 10 - as they do in Australia. He also said that if I want to get my NK (natural killer) cells tested, it's not his field but he'd show the results to a colleague who's expert in that area and we could try steroids if necessary. He'll also look into DHEA for me. (I didn't let on that i'm already taking it....naughty naughty)

He is just the nicest and kindest man and Mr G and I can't believe how dedicated he is. All he wants is for me to get pregnant.

Now we have to decide what to do. We're not going to make that choice until we've had our NH.S appt on 24 aug. If that cycle's likely to happen soonish, I think we'll go for that one. If it's free, we've very little to lose... If it's going to be a while then we'll see if it's Option 2 or 3. I'm not sure I can face walking back into that clinic to face the pity of the staff another time.

Oh, sorry this is is so long, but Big Hair let himself down by ending the consult with a mention of the dreaded ED - Egg D.onation.... He doesn't think it's for now and not for at least another few cycles, but it's now out there. I've done well to ignore its looming presence and i'm not going to think about it. I'm can't. We're going to make a baby with my dinosaur eggs. We just are!

Time to stop wittering - Mr G just said he thinks I write too much sometimes. For now, we're getting from day to day and putting IVF out of our minds for a while. We've booked a week in Spain in a week or so - more on that in my next post.

xx