Wednesday, November 14, 2007


A quick (end of the evening) post to say that the drugs are ordered. They'll arrive on Friday (I hope) and on Monday, i start the 14 days on Primo.lut. In just 2 and a half weeks or so i'll be back in treatment.

It feels good to be doing something again, but you know, deep down, i can't really believe there's an end in sight. I'm not saying it in a depressed, sorry for myself way, but after 3 failed attempts and the feedback we've been getting, I really can't connect a baby to all of this mucking about with needles, drugs and doctors. It's weird. I've sort of disconnected treatment from babies. It's easy to forget that's what it's all about.

I feel ambivalent about it. On the one hand, hopeful - new drugs, different protocol and more info on why I might not have succeeded in the past - the immune results have pointed that this might have been an issue. On the other hand, who am I kidding? My old eggs and Mr G's twitchy sperm are really not great bets. The likelihood is that we don't have to look further than that for a reason why we're still two and not two and a half or even three. I've got to stay real.

Anyway, on Friday, my bathroom shelf will be packed with medical boxes and my fridge will offer not just gourmet delights but a fair few chemical ones too. All systems are go.

I'm off to bed to rest up for tomorrow's fun and games. I'm selling my cakes, brownies, biscotti, chutneys and fruit butters at a stall in central London. Should be cold but good fun. Tomorrow night i'm off to teach beginners to make tasty treats. All good fun.



Almamay said...

Hope your drugs arrive on time. Totally get what you are saying that it is easy to forget that the end result of successful treatment is your dream, a baby.

You are torturing me! Cakes, brownies, biscotti, chutneys and fruit butters. Please email me so I can find your stall and indulge. Apparently, according to my colleagues, I talk about food all day!

Bea said...

Well, I think ambivalence is a very understandable attitude. Hopefully it will allow you to stay a bit sane.


JJ said...

Thinking of you as this new cycle approaches--you have all my hope and prayers!

CAM said...

Yea drugs!! Yes, it is a good feeling to be doing something isn't it? Its like you have some control over the situation again. I totally get what you mean about being disconnected with the fact that this may lead to a baby - the doctors appointments and medications take over and you forget why the heck you are doing this in the first place.
I am excited for you to start this cycle...I'll send many good vibes over the Atlantic for you!

tryingin2007 said...

I also have that same baby disconnect. sometimes I get so caught up in the injections, u/s monitoring, and b/w that I forget why I am doing this. I turn into an IVF robot.

I'm hoping this is your cycle!

(I love london. I lived there years ago and I still miss it very much.)