Yesterday I had news of three different births.
One close friend had twins and the other had a singleton. The first one - JC - gave birth to twin girls conceived after her 7th (yes SEVENTH) IVF. She, like me, refused to give up. Six were fresh cycles and one a frozen. The twins were conceived after a fresh cycle and she - JC - is 38 years old. I felt as emotional as if it had been me giving birth. I had tears in my eyes when i picked up the messages from her and her mother.
The second mother, C, is a cousin of mine. We're not especially close but i'm fond of her. She married her husband (who's lovely) in June 2007. She gave birth to their first child - a little boy - yesterday. I'm pleased but not to the extent I am for JC.
I just cannot shake feel an underlying emotion of mild bitterness. I'm not sure if bitterness is the right word. I just have a feeling I can't really explain about people having it too easy. I wouldn't wish infertility on anyone ever, I'm just less able to feel the same pure joy I feel for JC. I think perhaps my mother has harped on about C's pregnancy to me too much.
I feel guilty at how warped I have become. I wish i could be as happy for anyone bringing a new life into this world. Any baby born is a miracle and I should feel joy for all.
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7 comments:
If you are warped, so am I. I feel complete joy when someone who has worked so hard for a family gives birth or adopts. I don't have that same feeling for someone who just falls pregnant and has no troubles.
If you are warped because of your bitterness, then I must be bent in half. I *still* sneer at pregnant people, I can't help it, and I won't ever attempt to get pregnant again. That is messed up and verging on evil.
You are normal -- at least in this regard :-) -- and I'm sure that your outward appearance doesn't give away what you feel inside.
Congratulations to your friend and your cousin, healthy babies truly are a miracle!
Normal, I'd say. The thing is, you don't have to be infertile to feel an extra gladness for someone who's finally made it after trial and adversity. It's human nature to feel especially glad when someone triumphs *against* the odds. Gives hope that miracles can happen, after all.
Bea
I don't think you should feel in the least guilty. It is only natural to feel stronger emotions towards people you know have had to fight so hard. It just makes sense.
To some people children are automatic, to some of us we have spent many hours wondering if we will ever be parents. I think that makes the occasion just a little more amazing than the truly amazing event it already is.
Congratulations to all of your friends. I am confient that your "warpness" will lessen after you have your baby. Hang in there Portia!!!
I can ditto your reaction as well. It is immensely frustrating to see other people get things easy. It almost feels to me like there is a finite amount of fertility around and all the "I can get pregnant whenever I fancy" lot have snaffled up most of my share.
Congratulations all the new parents.
I hate to admit it, but I've felt the same way. I wouldn't wish IF on anyone...truly, not even my worst enemy...and if I were the only one in the entire world having to deal with it I'd be a happy girl. However, I sometimes (even now after having had a child already) get a little bitter when someone I know turns up pregnant accidentally or after they've only been married for a short time. Do I wish they'd had to struggle with it a bit...absolutely not, but I still get that little feeling you speak of. It does help me in the end to remember that while I've had to deal with this, they've likely had to or will have to deal with something equally daunting.
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