Another drug delivery

The doorbuzzer went at 7.30am and I took delivery of our third consignment of IVF drugs. It was actually a bit cheaper this time - only £735(!) - because of the few bits left over from the last cycle. I have so much Cyclogest (Progesterone bullets) I almost didn't need any more at all. I'm also picking up bits of leftover drugs from the gorgeous and very kind girls who've crossed the border to Pregville.

The last two times i felt excited when the drugs arrived and I could unpack them into my fridge/bathroom. This time I just felt low. How many more times will I do this?

At breakfast I started the last sheet of my folic acid tablets. I bought a bumper (3 for 2 deal) supply and its nearly all gone. I remember buying my first pot. I think I also bought 3 for 2 and wondered if i'd need them all....that was nearly two years ago.

I bought Mr G another huge pot of his "VitaMens" yesterday at my acupuncture appointment. I wonder how much we've spent on pills, potions, alternative therapies, blood tests and other fertitlity related stuff, not to mention the £15,000 ish we've already spent on treatment.

We're both a little weary of all of this. Part of me wonders if it's all worth it but (at the moment) a larger part of me doesn't want to give it up. What if this is the time it actually works for us? I can't imagine jumping off the wagon unless i'm pushed.

I've had a quick read of some of your blogs. Forever Hopeful and Reality seem to be in a similar place to me. Feeling the pressure. I think i'll keep Forever Hopeful's 14 June account of life with IF to show my friends how this feels. She got it spot on.

We've just got to keep going and hope that we get lucky. I seem to be a lucky charm for others. Every time I cycle wtih someone they get pregnant! Heather at Desperately Seeking Baby - who I did my first cycle with - safely delivered her twins a week or so ago - lovely news. My cycle buddy in my Mind body group is also now 15 weeks pregnant. I just hope my time comes.

...........................................................................................................................................................................................


On a less negative note, I had a great work week last week. I catered a canape party for 24, 21 yr old girls. My sushi, mini frittata, thai chicken salad in cucumber cups, mini cheese and herb samosas, pizza palmiers, mini moroccan meat balls, mini salmon and dill tarts, babaganoush and crudites went down a storm.

I also did a dinner party for 16. Canapes, veg tagine, with couscous, harissa dressing and paprika, lemon and cumin chicken skewers followed by home made cinnamon ice cream and spiced fruit salad with shortbread biscuits. I was on my feet for 4 solid days and by half past midnight on Saturday night had feet that were SO sore! I had an image of throbbing - you know like they do on old Tom and Jerry cartoons when they've been hit by a big hammer of something. I felt so good though - everyone loved the food and I felt it had all been worth it.

My lovely Mummy came and cooked with me all day Thursday. Just as well, as I took a call from the NHS tall thin Dr to tell me my FSH has gone up EVEN FURTHER! Darn, darn, darn! I'd hoped the 11. 8 was a blip but the 12.6 new score just underlined the march of time. I stayed cool and then lost it and had a big cry and a Mummy hug. Bless her. She can't make it better, but nothing beats a Mummy hug and a kiss.

I've sent for DHEA - ordered by a friend from the US - just in case this treatment isn't the one. I'll take it for 3 months before the next treatment IF I NEED TO! Thanks all of you for sharing DHEA info. V Useful.

I'll be starting my cycle any day soon. I'm on day 23 of my cycle and generally go 24 - 28 days. So, within the week i'll be back on the wagon of hope. WIll be interesting to see how I do on the short (flare) protocol....

Good luck to all cycling now xx