Finally...we're off!

Today's Day 28 of this month's cycle and now Day 1 of IVF cycle 3.

The long awaited period has graced me with its presence. I'm not sure of the etiquette of referring to periods as opposed to AF, but I didn't grow up using that terminology and i'm not about to start now! My cycles have lengthened since we started this IVF malarky and I'd just negotiations with my inner voice. We'd had a few chats that went something like this...

HOPEFUL HATTIE: "Well, I NEVER normally go as long as 28 days. I don't have any major PMT symptoms. Maybe i'll just dig out the second POAS kit from the last failed cycle"

PESSIMIST PATSY: "Don't be ridiculous, you've been so stressed and angsty the last month and be realistic about those sperm. They're not likely to make it. You'll just upset yourself"

HH "But you've heard all the miracle stories from other people. Those girls about to start a cycle and they find out they've struck lucky without an artificial hormone in the house; AND you've bought all those drugs - that's just tempting a natural result. Why shouldn't it be your turn. How mad would that be?!"

PP "Get over yourself. Things like that don't happen to you. You know the score. You've had no symptoms of pregnancy. Step away from the sticks!"

I had the last little chat whilst leaving the supermarket car park just now. When I got home the latest TP Tango evidenced my continuing infertile status. Never mind.

I'd bought all the drugs and i'm ready to rock and roll. I'm back into my meditating and am feeling pretty healthy and ready to give it my best shot....again.

I've scan number one tomorrow 9.45am and then i'm sure it'll be back to the injections tomorrow night. Hooray!

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Saturday's party was pretty dire. I spent much time hiding in the kitchen from the rest of the guests. Most had one or more children - more than a few new(ish)borns and several were pregnant with even more. It was really, really hard. Still, I stuck it out, wowed them with my food and smiled and chatted like I didn't care. I even made it home intact and without the urge to bury my head under my duvet and sob for a week.

Mr G and I were so relieved to be away from the chaos of children screaming that we had a gorgeous evening watching Series 2 of 24 - yeah I know - where've we been?! - and generally enjoying the peace and calm of our flat. I know we desperately want a noisy creature to share our lives with, but I really think we have to try to enjoy this time of just the two of us. Our freedom to loll around, please ourselves and just "be".

We're feeling pretty loved up at the moment and instead of moping after an afternoon being reminded of our barren-ness, both jsut felt lucky with our lot. To have each other really.

We continued our smug married (gotta be smug about something) theme weekend with a long and lazy lie-in on Sunday followed by breakfast with the papers at a local cafe. Perfect. We finished off the weekend with a trip to see a Medium show (a guy called Colin Fry and another medium) at the Hackney Empire. These guys claim to talk to the spirit world and then pass messages to the audience. Mr G's v sceptical, but I really thought there was something in it. Too long to tell the tales here, but he spoke to quite a lot of people about loved ones they'd lost. Their reactions and what he said seemed so plausible that it made me think there could be something in it. If he'd put my Daddy (who died almost 4 years ago) in touch i'd have been totally convinced.

Anyway, if my father could pull some strings and get a baby sent our way this time, i'd be really, really grateful.

Good luck to all of you in your cycles right now - and I DO mean that!

xx