Tuesday, June 05, 2007

Return from Tuscany

Seems ages since I posted. I meant to last week, but I had a mad busy few days. It was a Bank holiday on the Monday then I had 2 frantic days of getting things done (that could have been done over the long weekend) and then we left for our long weekend in Italy first thing on the Thursday (30th May).

It seemed that the whole of London was off to Europe out of Stansted Airport last Thursday. It was crazy. We had a 6.30am flight and arrived at the airport at 5.15ish - having got up at 3.50am. We were amazed at the long queues everywhere. Why were so many people up at that time of day?! After a 15 minute line to check in. We waited in another line for 45 minutes to get through security and then had to run to be the last people on the plane! No time for books or magazines, just a dash past Pret a Manger for water and croissants. I was so stressed and fed up from being deprived of my airport shopping time. The pile of magazines and dawdle through the lotions, potions and smellies of the Duty Free shop are part of my holiday experience!

We flew to Pisa (home of leaning tower), hired a car and drove north to a small village called Santa Maria del Guidice - close to Lucca. Our hotel, the Villa Rinascimento was cheap and cheerful. Clean and picturesque but nothing smart. The views from our room were gorgeous. Here's a pic of part of the hotel from their website. We didn't see it with the blue sky background unfortunately!

We were there for my cousin's wedding. Her mother and father have moved out there to a house on a really remote hillside north of Lucca. We spent Friday with my mother and father and auntie and uncle - not the parents of the bride, another auntie and uncle - eating in an Italian restaurant and then chilling out in their garden. The weather was atrocious. Lots of grey clouds and even thunder storms! I was v grumpy about the clouds, but at least we had my folks to entertain us.

The wedding took place on the Saturday and was the MOST romantic wedding i've been too - since ours that is! As my cousin walked into the room (looking beautiful - as all brides do - her husband to be had tears pouring down his face. Mr G and I both lost it and were dabbing our eyes with tissues. They had a civil ceremony - she's Jewish and he's christian - with lots of lovely poems (one that we'd read at our wedding funnily enough) and two of their friends even sang a song.

After the ceremony there was a huge buffet laden wtih gorgeous Italian goodies - cheeses with orange chutney and honey to drizzle over it, salamis, lovely breads and smoked fish and seafood salad. We drank Prosecco and juices. After about an hour or so of chatting we were asked to stop for a group photo and then to walk over to the barn in which we ate dinner.

The garden in front of it was decorated with loads of terracotta tubs filled with blazing candles. The tables had gorgeous white flowers and loads of candles and the air smelt of the lemons that normally live in that building - which is called Limanaia (sp?). We sat there and ate more - an Italian feast of pasta, seabass cooked in a parcel and beef cooked on the bar-b-q outside. Here's a pic of it. Again - taken from a website as Mr G has the pics on his computer, but a good image:

After dinner and after an amazing cake, the groom played his saxaphone with a blues brothers type band and we danced and drank until midnight. Apart from the cold it was a really lovely and very special and happy evening. Amazingly, the rain held off for them - at least whenever we were outside.

The next day all guests were asked to the bride's parents for food and drink in their garden. The sun shone for the first time that weekend and it was gorgeous. They have a pizza oven in their garden and we ate freshly cooked pizza made in it!

After all the festivities we spent a few hours - just the two of us - at our hotel and then eating dinner. First thing the next morning we flew home.

It really was lovely wedding but I spent much of it feeling a bit distant. It seems that i'm not able to relax and enjoy myself at the moment. I seem to be feeling worse and worse about our IF status and our failure so far to get anywhere close to a pregnancy. People are v sweet to us but perhaps we shouldn't have told so many of them as we've become the IVF couple. Still, can't take it back now and it's nice to have the support of others.

I think I picked the wrong book to read whilst I was there - a book by Tony Parsons called "In the Family Way". It's a good read but focusses totally on three sisters and their trials and tribulations with reproducing. Easy enough for two of the sisters (one has a first time IVF success) but impossible for her sister - the one who so desperately wanted to be a mum. Even she gets pregnant in the end - after having adopted a little Chinese girl. I don't think I gave myself time off from it all.

On the plane home I had a quick cry. A packed Ryanair flight was not a great place for tears but those moments seem to steal up on me without warning.

I'm so tired of smiling and being brave about this. I just want it all to be all right. I held off from posting because I don't want always to seem so miserable, but I can't hold off forever. I'm sure these blues will pass...

Two more of my MindBody group have had BFN's. So far only 2 of the 10 of us have cleared the first hurdle of a BFP. I so hope we all get there and beyond to a healthy, fat baby each.

Off to do some work now. Picnic hampers to write about and catering to do! At least the sun's out here and i'm going to give myself an hour off later to enjoy it.



Reproductive Jeans said...

Beautiful pictures!

Im sorry you felt distant--I know that feeling. Its hard to focus on something when your mind is totally somewhere else!

Anonymous said...

Welcome home!

CAM said...

Thanks for your comments on my blog. I totally understand the gloom that you feel. So many of us feel that way...we feel cheated and frustrated. But, somehow we have to find the strength to keep going. I am excited for your next cycle and I'll check back to see how its going! :)

Hopeful Mother said...

Your elaborate descriptions of the food is making me hungry here. Italy is so beautiful, especially Tuscany.

I can understand your feelings entirely, and will continue to hope that your journey takes a "right turn" soon. You deserve it, and so much more!

Becks said...

Your photos and wedding story are lovely. I am on the look out for wedding readings/poems for ours next year, so I would be really interested to hear which one you chose, if you wouldn't mind emailing me.

I've been in the 'down' place too at times, it is so hard. I just hope that you get the good news one day, we have to keep thinking that determination counts for something.