Barren Bitches Book Tour

I've just done my first leg of the Barren Bitches Book Tour.

The book we read was Lolly Winston's Happiness Sold Seperately. Pop over to http://stirrup-queens.blogspot.com/to find out the questions asked about the book and to see who else has answered them.

I loved the book. Well, maybe I didn't love it ALL the time as it was v close to home and brought up all sorts of emotions. I was tearful at times but also laughed along with the lovely, feisty, sharp and bright Elinor. I enjoyed the other characters - handsome, sensitive Ted; sexy Gina (lucky enough to be a mother) and Gina's geeky but endearing son Toby. I think I was so wedded to Elinor that I was less connected with the others. Having said that, some of Ted's reactions and emotions made me sad for Mr G and what he's going through.

Here are my views on some of the book tour questions:

Question 1
In the beginning of Chapter 4, Elinor finds it difficult to look at a newborn and its mother in the seat next to her. She says she isn't so much sad that she can't have a baby of her own but that she can't give her husband a child. Do you find your infertility more painful because of your desire to experience pregnancy and childbirth or because of your desire to see your spouse as a father?

I think my sadness and pain is a mixture of both. I have always imagined (with some naivety I'm sure) how it would be to be pregnant - all swollen belly and maternity clothes. I expected to have that experience and now may never do so. That's starting to hurt and i've started experiencing a sad pain in my chest sometimes when I see a cute baby or catch a whiff of that warm baby smell. I'm also sad about not seeing Mr G as a father to our child. I know how much he wants to be a Daddy and how wonderful he'd be. His family produce such gorgeous brown-eyed babies, i've always been able to imagine them. It hurts that those babies may well stay in my head.

Question 2
Elinor takes up laundry and Ted works on the hutch. What new hobbies did you pick up or abandon during treatments?

Blogging! I'd never considered it before. I'm not sure it's a real hobby, but blogging, internet research and socialising with my Mind Body group and the new group i'm mentoring, takes up enough time to warrant the title hobby. I'm a full time, paid-up infertile! Where Elinor was hiding from life with her laundry, i've immersed myself in one aspect of my life.

I'm not sure i've abandoned much. Perhaps, enjoying wine and going out for unrestrained drinking sessions with Mr G. We're too guilty about drinking too much, so it just doesn't seem worth it. Having said that, we haven't stopped communicating as Ted and Elinor did. We're v much connected still. That part of the book made me realised how careful we have to be and scared me a little too - that I should be careful not to freeze my husband out or he may find comfort elsewhere.

Question 3
At the very close of the book, having discovered her balanced translocation, Elinor likens herself to a screwed up silverware drawer. "Yet there's solace in discovering something is tangibly wrong. A diagnosis rather than you're old" Have you ever felt like this? Do you have a diagnosis for your fertility problems? Was it a relief? If your problem is unidentified, or age is against you, do you wish that you did have a reason?

We started our journey with a v clear reason - severe MF. It should have been easy to fix as I was functioning ok. As time has gone on, we've found another reason - my ageing ovaries and low reserve. The first problem requires IC.SI to fix it and the second makes IC.SI more difficult as the eggs can't cope so well.
In some respects it's good to know why things weren't working out for us, but it's also made it harder for me to get over as it's such a dead end. I know this will sound crazy and will perhaps incense those with unexplained issues, but i'm almost envious of them. I KNOW that we'll never conceive naturally - the door was slammed in our faces and it just ain't happening. At least with an unexplained problem there's the slightest chance of a natural pregnancy. Ted and Elinor conceived naturally and at that point I felt betrayed by the book - I was in it with El but suddenly she was the lucky one.

If you haven't read the book - I recommend it. If you want my copy, I could mail it to you. Just let me know if you'd like it.