Monday, April 14, 2008

Anxiety attack

Tomorrow i'll have reached the 11 weeks mark.

This week has not been without it's dramas. On Saturday - after three days of fairly intense lower back cramps - i saw what i'd not seen for some time - the pink tinged wipe. I like pink - one of my favourite colours, but I don't want to see it on my toilet paper. A trip to the bathroom produced this unwanted colourway. A frenzy of wiping followed with more dreaded pink.

My sickness has been letting up for the past few days and my boobs have been less painful... My mind raced forward to facing a start from the beginning again. Slipping all the way down a big fat snake (a la snakes and ladders) all the way to the start again. How would i tell the world our adventure was over? After a call to Mr G - stuck on the North Circular Rd on his way to Ikea - I rang my clinic's emergency number. The almost personality-free Dr - my least favourite one there - was unimpressed. He said not to worry. Shove a pessary up tonight and come in for a scan on Monday - IF I wanted to. He said he was really not v worried as he thought i'd have massive cramping if the passenger was leaving and was only offering a scan as I sounded so anxious. So much for TLC.

Subsequent bathroom visits produced brown stains (tmi i'm sure) and - after hours on the sofa doing v little - the back pain lessened up a bit.

Sunday produced some more staining and backache but I was feeing a bit more comfortable. By this morning I was relatively calm - probably because I was at the clinic and getting comfort just by being there. Just before we went in - after an hour's wait - I felt a dread of disaster but all was well. The Passenger is now 5cm and even deigned to give us a wave before swimming around a bit. I almost cried with relief - both that Passenger was there but also that for the first time we had seen movement. My back is still killing me. It's just like my pre-period back pain. Suppose it's just all that extra activity.

Sorry for a long self indulgent post. Good luck to my girls entering their 2WW's. I've everything crossed for you. I've a real life friend in her second week after her first IVF. She had one egg, one embryo. I'm praying for one of those miracles you read about... Lets hope April's full of miracles.


B said...

Glad everything turned out ok. The thought of starting again should never come into play after what you have been through. Glad you got a wave, sounds like a great experience.

I know I am no expert, but my friend, who is due in a few weeks, also had pink/brown spotting about this time, and all worked out fine.

Waiting Amy said...

So relieved for you. I too had spotting several times. Some say its more common in IVF pg. Hang in there. Sending good thoughts your way!

Carrie said...

So glad the passenger is doing well. Why can't it all be a little easier and less scary?

I hope things go well for your friend too.

Anonymous said...

I am so glad the Passenger is ok.

Bea said...

Scary stuff. DO NOT let it put you off racing in there again if you're worried about something in the future. Hopefully, in the future, there will be nothing to worry about.


seattlegal said...

I am so glad your little passenger is doing well.

I had the same anxiety attack when I started to spot too, but I was told my numerous people that it shouldn't be a problem unless it was bright red and there was a lot of it. It's hard though to hear that and not worry until you have that scan to see for yourself that everything is o.k.

Good luck to everyone in their 2ww - I hope and pray for happy outcomes!

Baby Blues said...

You and your passenger are both in my thoughts and prayers. Hang in there.

Foreverhopeful said...

I'm so sorry for the scare. I know spotting is quite normal but i can understand how stressful it must be after all you've been through. Glad to hear everything is well and your little passenger is in there growing bigger and stronger and giving you waves now.. :)