Wednesday, October 01, 2008

This baby's not for turning...

33 days until my due date and TP's still very happily nestling across my belly.

I feel stuffed up to my ribs and am also feeling a pressure on my bladder that is so like the sensation of wetting myself that I keep on having to pop to the bathroom to check for leakage. TMI I know!

I've done my last day at the cookery school and am now working from home. I've loads to do, but it's nice not to have to hope on the tube. I'm teaching my penultimate lesson tonight with one more next week then that's done too.

We've had blinds put up on our previously bare windows (which was most of them) and ordered carpet for our bedroom - after only 2 years of living in this flat. Since we've lived here we didn't have time to think about our home. All resources were plumbed into IVF. The rest of our life took second place.

I've been brave enough to order a baby buggy and have a bag out ready to pack for hospital. I need to wash the baby grows, booties, mitts, hats etc to put in it as well as think of what I need for me. It's so hard to plan, as if i end up with a Csection because of TP's awkward position i'll need far less than if i have a full-on labour. It's not even worth ordering a TENS machine as that may be a total waste of money!

It's all seeming a bit more real, but I still can't see that baby at the end of this. Only (please G-d) when i'm looking TP in the eye will I believe that we've achieved this miracle. This awful story has upset me and reminded me that just because we've struggled to get where we are doesn't guarantee a happy ending. It's so very, very sad. How do you move on from that?

Anyway, time to do some work. Loads of writing to do as the last few days have been spent on our weekend away - v nice apart from the wedding party outside our hotel bedroom playing thumping wedding music into the early hours on Sat night - and on celebrating the New Year. I made a gorgeous chicken dish - which was chicken roasted with saffron, honey and hazelnuts. (another Ottolenghi dish) with Persian jewelled couscous and a salad of cucumber, fennel and pomegranates, both old favourite recipes. We had orange flower treacle tart for dessert. Also a new recipe and one that went down well.


My Reality said...

Stories like that are always so heartbreaking.

It doesn't always turn out that way.

Rebecca said...

I hope you start feeling more comfortable're's hard to plan!

That story broke my heart.

The description of the food sounds delicious! You made me hungry!

soapchick said...

Portia - you and TP will be fine. For one - you are having a hospital birth right? I don't even want to say it, but we all know that would have turned out much differently had they been at the hospital. My heart bleeds for them. However I am soooooo very confident that your TP will be born healthy and alive! Can't wait to see pictures! Happy last month of pregnancy!