Thursday, January 17, 2008

Smiling to myself

I'm feeling oddly cheery.

I've even had moments of jittery excitement. You know. That feeling you get before a hot date or before something you've been look forward to for ages - you know - that butterfly-ish slightly nervous but happy feeling in your tummy that makes you smile to yourself!

I'm not entirely sure why, as there's not a whole lot to be excited about. I've a hysteroscopy tomorrow morning - but i doubt it's the prospect of heavy sedation and a fat old needle in my hand which is has me feeling a little excitable. I'm hoping for reports of a sparkling ute(rus) and immaculate cervix. No lumps, bumps or UFO's please.

Once they've cleaned up my inner bits i'll be on countdown for the arrival of that bitchcow AF. Then the blood suckers will do their very worst and let me know if i'm ok to proceed with the next cycle. Hormones behaving and no dreaded cysts. That makes me a bit nervous, but so far, so not losing much (any) sleep over that one.

I'm sure i'm readying up for a full-on stress out over it. I said Mr G this morning that we should have some sort of fall-back if this clinic won't let me cycle. If we're not a go this month, that will be 7 months without a cycle and at 39 (and a twelfth) with a diminishing batch of eggs, that's not too clever. I CAN'T believe it's been that long since my last cycle! I might see if our old Doc will do the do if the new clinic won't.

So...why am I excited? Who knows... Perhaps it's the new client I picked up today - who wants me to cook all her detox meals for the foreseeable future and deliver them to her (hurrah!) or the extra piece I persuaded my regular paper to take from me. OR is it that Mr G's hugely hard work of that last year seems to starting to pay off. With the new year he's seeing a real upturn in business. We're not about to start shopping at Fo.rtnums (v posh London food shop) or even Ocad.o (expensive home grocery delivery but things are feeling a whole lot brighter.

So....i'll enjoy feeling this way - let's face it, the positive moments for us IF-ers are not to be taken for granted - and hope it lasts! xx


My Reality said...

Here is to the positive!

Bea said...

Here's to that excited feeling! Hope it stays and stays.

Good luck with your upcoming appointments/tests. And your new work, of course!


soapchick said...

I'm so glad that you are feeling chipper! I wish I were in the UK so you could cook for me too! ha ha.

Pamela Jeanne said...

Rock on!

Carrie said...

It is great that you're having a cheery time. You're absolutely right, it can seem like life is never cheery when TTC. It kind of puts a cloud over everything.

Hope the hysteroscopy went well.

LIW (Lady In Waiting) said...

I agree 100% that we need to enjoy positive feelings when they come since disappointment is the norm for us!! Glad to hear you are in such great spirits. Maybe the relaxing weekend is paying off??

My fingers are crossed that you WILL get to cycle...