20 weeks tomorrow - lots about pregnancy

Tomorrow i'll have made it to 20 weeks. Who'd have thought? I never thought i'd get this far. I've got my 20 week anomaly scan on Friday. I'm still nervous about TP but i'm starting to feel a whole lot better about this pregnancy.

I'm starting to move from "is she tubby?" to "she looks like she could be pregnant". More than one person has touched my tum in the last few days. I still feel a bit nervous about saying i'm pregnant just in case i'm not next week. I'm also uncomfortable about looking too far into the future. Every so often though i am overwhelmed with the joy and pleasure of it all.

One huge change has been in my marriage. Neither Mr G nor I had realised how much IF had hijacked us. We thought we were doing ok, and in the circumstances, we were. We had our moments of being 'us' but it's only now, now that the pressure is off that I can see how far off 'us' we were. We've jumped back to how we were when we first met. Part of the joy of this pregnancy is getting my marriage back again.

I feel uncomfortable writing this when i know others who are still in the trenches might read it, but i need to say it. I feel angry that IF put us through such hell, but blessed and immensely lucky to be where i am now. I'm so full of love for Mr G i could burst with it. (Sorry for that mush)

I just hope that TP arrives and is healthy.

I have so many friends in need of good wishes and support at the moment:

My friend with twins in early labour was released (after her circlage) but re-admitted to hospital this weekend. She'll be in for the rest of her pregnancy. She's only 21 weeks and I'm praying her twins make it a few more weeks. She was very lucky not to have lost them already and is in the best place.

Another friend is in the middle of a cycle and only has 2 follicles to show so far after a week of stims. I'm praying things work out for her. Her husband - a friend of Mr G - is really finding it very hard to deal with.

I had tea with a lady who is covering as Features Editor for one of the papers I write for. She has just found out she and her dh will need to do ICSI. I so feel for her and have said she must ask me if there's anything she needs to know. She doesn't know anyone who's had IVF. I feel so very lucky to have made it this far over the fence. I hope I can help her.

Finally, i took some lunch to my friend who's in the middle of her chemotherapy for breast cancer. She's 39 with 2 small children. She's being so brave and i'm so proud of her. We sat in her garden and talked for hours today about IVF and cancer. She has 2 more chemo sessions and then radiotherapy. She won't know for a few more months how the cancer is doing. I'm praying it will all be gone. She and i had lost touch and i'm so grateful that we're back in touch again.

I think that's all for this post. Mr G's in Paris - for the second time in a week and for the next two nights. I'll miss him, but want to make the most of the chance of an early night, so i must get off to bed.

Night night.