Show but no show

I'm sure you're all starting to get as impatient with this baby as I am!!

Was up from 2am until 6am with another wodge of gorgeous plug and major lower back cramping. It was really quite close together but i decided not to wake Mr G who I thought should at least get his sleep. Mr G keeps on saying how much the term amuses him - makes him think of Rogers and Hammerstein. Glad someone finds this funny!

As i'm still here typing you might have guessed that is hasn't really progressed. It settled down a bit and the cramps are now coming about 10 mins apart and more and are much more bearable. I still think it's really, really early days or even false labour at this stage but i'll be hanging out here today nonetheless. I've a lemon polenta cake recipe i'd like to test and i'm sure a day of tv could be quite inviting.

The hospital called at 8.50am to ask why I hadn't shown up for my C section. I told them the baby had turned and I thought it had been cancelled. They are SO inefficient!! I hope that didn't mean someone couldn't get a slot.... I asked the midwife who called what to do re my pains and she said just take it easy. It could all die down today. I can take paracetemol for the pain but as it's not that bad, I shan't do that just yet.

Thank you all for playing along with me today.

Show and tell

No news at this end.

More "show" - which for info is (and you may want to look away at this point) bloody mucus from the mucus plug of the cervix which is starting to come away. Mine is brownish tinged and not overly mucus-y.

I'm finding walking a bit of an effort - a trip to the post box was fairly uncomfortable as TP is sitting low and heavy on my cervix and I now have a bit of lower back cramping. It's also FREEZING out. We've had snow in October for the first time in 70 years! Seventy years! All v strange. It was a beautiful crisp sunny day after the snow though.

I've been trying to finish off articles today and clear my desk. I fitted in an episode of Desperate Housewives - which i'm now up to date on. I'm so not loving the 5 year leap ahead. It's like watching a different programme. I'm sure you girls in the US are miles ahead of us here.

I need to do a final hospital bag sort out and then am ready(ish)

This could go on for days - i feel like the girl who's crying wolf. Watch this space xx

Still here...just

Still here and trying to pack in work, invoicing, birth prep etc. Need to load my ipod still, buy a few hospital provisions and finish off some work.

Had a bit of a show earlier today but nothing since. Could be hours. Could be days. If TP decides tonight's the night i'll have stuff hanging over, but then, so what. It feels a bit like the night before going on holiday when i'm always up too late packing and now I should have been more organised.

All I can tell you is that it's way past my bedtime and I must go to sleep. Can you tell i'm in a bit of a tizz.....?!

xx

Tick tock

Time ticks on and there are no signs of TP emerging just yet.

I just saw there are 7 days until my due date. SEVEN DAYS! Can't believe it. My doctor decided to go her own way with my due date and work out the date of my last period, which seemed ridiculous as I knew the date of conception and really didn't know for sure the period date. She decided it would be 7th. The consultant i've been seeing chose the happy medium of 5th November. Sooooooo my due date has become v confused. What all this could mean is that we could be waiting until 19th November when they'd induce for sure. THE NINETEENTH!! I'm sure it won't be that long.

I had a really bad stitch-like pain on Saturday that I couldn't shift and it started roaming round my tummy so we were advised to pop into the hospital for monitoring. TP was fine and although they got the odd contraction (Braxton Hicks i'm sure) there was no action. I was told to take Paracetomol and come back if concerned. The pains went away.

The Dr who did have a feel around said TP's now engaged. I'm impressed with the quick flip and dive straight in. Clever baby.

I'm feeling quite heavy now. I popped to Oxford St in the pouring rain on Sunday morning (as you do when you're about to have a baby) to exhange some pj's and bras at Mothercare and had to walk (from my car) at about 1 mile an hour. I think i like it better at home at the minute. A first for me. I've been so active until now, it's just starting to hit.

My bag is now packed (mainly) and i've a separate bag with TP's provisions in it.

We've been tidying up and emptied a drawer full of old IVF drugs, needles, leaflets and vitamins etc into a bag. I'm too superstitious to chuck that (and my most recent needle bin) away just in case it jinxes anything. (I know, i know, it sounds totally mad) When I have TP in my arms (please g-d) i'll get rid of the bits. I've still got Pure.gon in my fridge - useless and out of date, but a sort of talisman. (Mad, mad, mad)

I still can't quite believe that there could be a baby at the end of this. After all the different Dr's we've talked to, the grim, silent waiting rooms, injections, clinic appointments, 2WW's, bfn's and despair. It blows my mind. I almost deleted this para as it seemed too presumptuous.


Right - i've work to do so i'll clock off. I'll post if there's any news. xx

Two year anniversary!!

Finally here. How things have changed in two years. This time two years ago I was into cycle one. I had no idea I was going to go through that five times over the subsequent two years. I still know I'm one of the lucky ones and feel immensely blessed.

I was going to celebrate with cake. Have eaten so much of it lately and having had a return to the nausea of early pregnancy, I actually don't feel like noshing cake.


For the last two weeks a hypnotherapy CD for a natural birth has been sitting on a shelf in my hallway. I've been meaning to return it and buy one on C-section births.

I won't be needing to do that.

TP has finally done what most baby's do and turned. At this morning's appointment my Consultant (and a medical student) had a feel and could feel a hard mass low down. We popped into the scanning room and sure enough, there was a little baby head down at the bottom of my belly.

I shouldn't admit this but i'm a little disappointed. We were all set to meet TP next week and now it could be anything up to 4 weeks. FOUR WEEKS!!!!

It's time to bounce on my Swiss ball eat hot curries, drink raspberry leaf tea and consider perineal massage. The thought of that was so gross - having been nowhere near that end for so many months, other than to tend to my haemorrhoids (TMI I know) - I haven't been able to face it. I might even have to persuade Mr G to do the do - which he's way to scared to as he feels it's just not right with TP so close.

I stil might not have to but now there's a very real chance that I might be pushing TP out the proper exit, it's time to prepare! Mr G paid no attention to the labour stuff at our classes as he thought we'd been let off labour. No chance. His child has other plans for us.

Well done TP for leaving it to the last minute and for mucking Daddy's diary up! A chip off the old block!

Please go cheer Meredith on (link in my last post) as her beta's moving on up. Everything's crossed for her - one of my senior buddies (hope she doesn't mind my saying that) - who's really been through it.

xx

Belly shot

I've (finally) posted a new belly shot way back in my July posts under the 20 something shot.

[Belly shot is in my 9 July post headed Belly and body Shot - sorry Soapchick that you couldn't find it!]

As you'll see, I've grown a bit - well TP has....

I need to shout out to a few of my buddies out there - Almamay who's in a 2WW, Becks who's signed up with the clinic that did the do for me, Andi - who's into another donor cycle with her sis and Meredith - who anxiously waiting to see if her low beta is going to turn her into a mom.



I'm thinking of you all, girls and so, so want it to be your time. xxxx

No a lot to report

Can't believe the due date is so soon. It all seems to be speeding up and i'm desperately trying to get my work done, flat prep sorted, kit ordered or borrowed etc etc AND try to get some me time!

Ante natal check up today was fine. BP up v slightly but nothing to concern my GP. I've an appt with the conultant on Tues to assess TP's position. The GP thought the little one is trying to turn as i seem to have widened out in the middle and the head is moving southwards....

In the meantime i've been doing battle with my health insurers. As my lovely consultant will be away for my 39th week and can't do my c-section I thought i'd go private using my health insurance. It only covers medically required c sections - which this will be. They pay a ludicrously tiny sum for the procedure so i've had to cry, reason and negotiate them up a bit. I think we're nearly there but they're still being pretty unreasonable. Not really sure why we have health insurance - it's so hard to claim anything.

Oh the excitement of my week was meeting Gordon Ram.say last night. I took Mr G to one of GR's latest restaurants to review it. It's run by GR and Angela Har.tnett happened to be in the kitchen that night. (There's a pic of them in this slideshow but I can't get it to stop on their pic)

When I spotted him (as we'd finished our meal) I spoke to the front of house girls and said I was writing about my meal and could someone speak to me about the place. I in no way expected GR to come over but he did! He was utterly charming and when Mr G told him that we were expecting an IVF baby we even had an IVF chat as 3 of his 4 children are ICSI babies ! We told him we'd had 5 go's at ICSI and he was very sweet about it. He even kissed me goodbye!! I'll never wash again....joke.

Sometimes - very, very occasionally - my job is so cool! Oh, the restaurant - The York and Al.bany - is not bad. Probably better value at lunchtime and not for dinner but the food wasn't bad at all.

xx

We have a date...

I visited my consultant again yesterday. TP remains resolutely breech. Head and bot right up near my ribs. Legs dangling and treading all over my bladder. It's a squeeze - you'd think the little one would want a bit more room but perhaps it's nice and snug up there.

Anyway, on that basis, our lovely consultant - Mr S - gave us 2 choices:

1. Go for an ECV - external cephalic version - which means they'd basically shove TP the right way by brute force. From friends I hear this is uncomfortable and scary. From research the success rate with a first pregnancy is not great and it can end in an emergency C section.

2. Book in for an elective C section but check progress anyway at 38 weeks.

No prizes for guessing which option i've gone for....

...yup the winner is Option 2. I'm not risking TP's well being at all, so we've been booked for a C section on 30th October. The week before we'll see Mr S and he'll check to see how TP's lying.

In the meantime I can try crawling, kneeling doggy style whenever possible with my posterior in the air (v dignified), walking a lot, sitting on my Swiss ball - which came today - or swimming. Oh, acupuncture is also apparently a potential solution.

I'm in two minds. An elective C section gives me a date and peace of mind that my little one will come out safely. On the other hand, I'll have had major abdominal surgery and will need recovery time. I figure it might take a while to recover from pushing a child in the usual way, especially if I end up with stitches, piles etc etc. anyway.

I've heard of two people turning up for a planned C section and the baby being head down in the right place. They were both sent home to wait for labour! How much of a wind up would that be?!!

Anyway - that's just about it from me. I'm feeling quite large - but not unmanageable - my Carpal Tunnels is pretty bad and I have permanent pins needles in one hand. My hands, wrists, ankles and feet are swollen - my rings came off weeks ago. I get the odd sharp twinge in my ligaments as TP is getting quite heavy, but I'm so not complaining about any of it as it's all a blessing.

I can't believe that in not too long now i might even have a little baby. I burst into tears are periodic intervals at the very thought - hormones are HIGH! A friend with 3 mth old IVF twins from her 7th try said she often still cries at the site of them.

Two hundred!!

This is my 200th post!! On October 21st i'll have been blogging for 2 whole years.

I'd like to say its flown by, but i'm not sure it has. I re-read post number one and I was already stuck into my first IVF. Horrible memories. Such bad times.

I won't complain because i've been so lucky so far but it has been a difficult journey. I had a flick through the posts and saw i'd had comments from a pretty early stage and want to thank those of you who've been there for me. Comments have slowed right down to those who can face reading a pg after IVF blog. Not many of those are still in the trenches but then I found I had to drop out of reading the blogs of those girls who'd been successful whilst I still struggled.

I wanted to pick out a few ladies who've been fantastic:

Soapchick of The Quest for Baby Agosti - for being brave enough to continue to be there and for being such a life and soul of the party. Top chick.

Hopeful Mother - who has gone private with her blog. She was successful when I failed on my 2nd or 3rd cycle (can't remember) and who I admit to having abandoned whilst she grew and gave birth to her twins. I know times aren't easy for her at the moment and i'm thinking of her. I know she's still out there supporting me.

Heather of Desperately Seeking Baby - my first IVF blog buddy and another who got there whilst I was still trying. She has twins from her first cycle and (i've just read) is pg with another baby without any treatment. Go Heather!!

Betty M of High Land and Hard Rain

Bea - whose post baby blog is as cool as her pre conception one. She's another solid support.

Meredith of Someone Please Knock Me Up who i've also shared some heavy times with and to whom I wish all the luck in the world

I've also met some fantastic ladies in person - the lovely Becks, Andi and Almamay. Thank you all of you for your support. I'm not sure if you can face me at the moment but i'm rooting for all of you and hoping you'll get there.

Enough gushing and apologies if i've left anyone out. I'm still v conscious that i'm not quite there and TP remains a (transverse) squirming lump in my belly. I'm not going to count any chickens - or babies - until i've looked this one in the eye.

I'll celebrate 21st Oct and my two year blogoversary with a big fat cake.

xx

This baby's not for turning...

33 days until my due date and TP's still very happily nestling across my belly.

I feel stuffed up to my ribs and am also feeling a pressure on my bladder that is so like the sensation of wetting myself that I keep on having to pop to the bathroom to check for leakage. TMI I know!

I've done my last day at the cookery school and am now working from home. I've loads to do, but it's nice not to have to hope on the tube. I'm teaching my penultimate lesson tonight with one more next week then that's done too.

We've had blinds put up on our previously bare windows (which was most of them) and ordered carpet for our bedroom - after only 2 years of living in this flat. Since we've lived here we didn't have time to think about our home. All resources were plumbed into IVF. The rest of our life took second place.

I've been brave enough to order a baby buggy and have a bag out ready to pack for hospital. I need to wash the baby grows, booties, mitts, hats etc to put in it as well as think of what I need for me. It's so hard to plan, as if i end up with a Csection because of TP's awkward position i'll need far less than if i have a full-on labour. It's not even worth ordering a TENS machine as that may be a total waste of money!

It's all seeming a bit more real, but I still can't see that baby at the end of this. Only (please G-d) when i'm looking TP in the eye will I believe that we've achieved this miracle. This awful story has upset me and reminded me that just because we've struggled to get where we are doesn't guarantee a happy ending. It's so very, very sad. How do you move on from that?

Anyway, time to do some work. Loads of writing to do as the last few days have been spent on our weekend away - v nice apart from the wedding party outside our hotel bedroom playing thumping wedding music into the early hours on Sat night - and on celebrating the New Year. I made a gorgeous chicken dish - which was chicken roasted with saffron, honey and hazelnuts. (another Ottolenghi dish) with Persian jewelled couscous and a salad of cucumber, fennel and pomegranates, both old favourite recipes. We had orange flower treacle tart for dessert. Also a new recipe and one that went down well.