Monday, March 03, 2008

Feels like spring

We have loads of daffodils growing in our garden. It give me huge pleasure each time I look outside. Even if it's not sunny it looks it as they're so brightly coloured. These aren't ours but i thought i'd include them to cheer up my post.

On the pregnancy front - things are continuing to move up. Sunday's hcg score was 3411 - more than double friday's 1471. My cramps had stopped so I'd got myself into a panic about everything having stopped. I really must calm down.

The nurse who called also told me that my NK tests were back and that I may need another IVI.g - at £1400(!) I'm not sure how they decide whether or not to do it. Perhaps if I stop doubling. I've another test on Tuesday.

Yesterday morning I went for my blood test. The vampire centre opens at 9am. I arrived at 9.10am and was already number in the queue!! It was madness! Bumped into a girl i'd cycled with - the first time i've seen any of the girls I spent so much time chatting too. She had waited since last August to cycle as her FSH was so high. She's only in her early 30's. They finally let her go for it at 12.7 and she'd managed a BFP. However, it was only 42 and had gone down the second time. She was in for a third test to establish whether or not she has a pregnancy that will continue. I really felt for her. It was her first cycle though so I hope that even if this isn't the one maybe the next one will be.

I'm a little more excited about the future, but still a bit tetchy. My mum and dad came over for tea yesterday as it was Mother's Day. I made some scones, bagels and bridge rolls (little sweetened bread rolls) with a mixture of smoked salmon, hummus and cucumber as well as a clementine cake. The pictured cake's not mine but it looks just the same. It's the easiest recipe in the world and delicious - well worth a try.

We didn't really talk about the pregnancy too much. We're all a bit scared to go there I think. My mum gave me a huge hug when she turned up. When the clinic called with my hcg results we talked some more about what's going on.

I'm not sure why, but I feel just a bit irritable with my mother. I can't work out why. Since we got a bfp she's told me twice about a cousin (who married a year after us) who is already 5 or 6 months pg. No one had told me before. I understand why.

Now that we have a chance at our own baby she keeps telling me I should ring and congratulate my cousin. I hardly ever speak to this cousin normally so I don't feel that i'm suddenly fertile (or magnnanimous) enough to be totally cool about calling up to wish her well. It makes me feel very guilty but perhaps my mother should be a little more sensitive.

On the subject of Mother's Day, although everything was full of it (papers, card shops, restaurants) it was nice not feeling totally distraught about my not being a mummy myself. I can't yet quite see myself being one next year but my chances are a whole lot better than they were.

I still feel a little guilty about posting about my BFP. So many people are still not. I hope though that my age and IVF history gives people some hope ...


Bea said...

The transition will take time. Go easy.


soapchick said...

Don't feel guilty Portia! I'm thrilled for you, especially because you are the same age as me - it gives me tremendous hope for my next cycle coming up. Just take it easy and as each week passes you will become more comfortable in your own skin. Regarding the cousin - just call after she has the baby, or send a card.

soapchick said...

Portia - can you give me the recipe for the clementine cake? I have a bunch of orange and clementine pulp that I want to make something with. Thanks.

Carrie said...

it is hard to go from protecting yourself, wondering if this will ever work to over-the-moon pregnant. It'll come.
I'm so poor in the kitchen I find it hard to believe people make things like cake from scratch! I'm jealous.

Frenchie said...

Happy Mother's Day to you! Give yourself a big pat on the back from me, for your perseverance to get there.

I can totally understand about the cousin thing.

Your story truly gives me hope. I am rooting for you and continuing rising beta's!!!

Foreverhopeful said...

I didn't realize different countries have different dates for Mother's Day. I don't know why I assumed it was the same for all of us. So sorry your mom is being insensitive and its hard for others to understand unless you've been there.

I think its normal what you are feeling and please don't feel guilty. Your story gives me hope and makes me smile.. :)

Rebecca said...

I get the guilt...I had it to. I also get the irritability with your mother...that will come and go...mostly come! The daffodils are beautiful...even if they aren't yours, you can enjoy them all day long! Your Beta numbers sound great...congrats!

Anonymous said...

I was looking at a recipe for the clemetine cake just yesterday.

And don't feel guilty, my friend. You have worked long and hard to get here.

IVFer said...

your positive result gives me hope!