Monday, March 10, 2008

Scared

I've just read about Natalie at LunarDreams dot net. I've spelt out her address because I'm still too rubbish to manage a link. She's just lost her little boy at 36 weeks. THIRTY SIX WEEKS!!!! What a horrendous thing to happen and I can't imagine how she and her husband must be feeling. I felt I wanted to display this candle to them as a mark of respect.



Life's SO unfair. Why should this happen? Why does this happen to people who've been through so much to get pg in the first place. Haven't they had their share of heartache? Her post about the loss is heartbreaking. I shed a tear for her.

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This morning i'm scared. I feel less and less pregnant. I haven't woken up desperate to pee for the last few mornings. My nausea is less and less and my bosoms, whilst tender, are not as big as they were. I wish I could calm down and stop worrying but it's so hard not to.

I spent last night stressing because (and i'm almost tempted not to mention this as i'm embarrassed for being so stupid) i have each night post BFP continued to rub EM.LA cream into my butt before my gest.one jab. I have been careful to use paraben free hand creams and body products, no perfumes, additives, hair colour, dodgy foodstuffs but have continued to rub local anaesthetic into my skin!! What was I thinking of?! Last night we went EM.LA-free for the jab and guess what? It was fine! I so hope I haven't done anything awful.

At 10.15 today I have a (very early) scan to see what's there. This will help them decide on the IVI.g timetable. I may or may not be staying at the clinic for the day. They don't feed us so I need to take food. I've put some snacks in a bag but almost feel too superstitious to take them with me. What if there's nothing inside me and they send me home? I won't want a silly bag of food reminding me that i'd hoped everything was normal. Neurotic? I know. I think i'll just be this way permanently until there's a baby in my arms.

Anyway. I'll let you later know how I get on.

3 comments:

Baby Blues said...

Such sad news. It's something I wouldn't want to hear if I'm pregnant, but it's a reality.

But you'll make it through, I just know it. Keep positive. I'm so happy for you.

Working Girl said...

I hope everything went well today! I have my fingers crossed for you!

Foreverhopeful said...

I read about her news as wellon Friday and my heart just sank. What a tragedy and I too think how unfair. These things just shouldn't happen.

I think its normal to be nervous but just take it one day at a time and stay positive. Hope your scan went well today.