Thursday, December 27, 2007

Lazy blogger

I've been too lazy to blog the last few days. Whilst I've been lurking about and making the odd comment, but not really in the mood to SHARE.

I'm starting to feel a bit immersed in IF. Too many appointments with Dr Google and too many hours spent trawling blogs and chat rooms for hopeful stories of success. Unhealthy.

Entirely without logic, i feel cheated of my chance for a BFP this month. I KNOW that it was extremely unlikely that i'd have got to that stage, but my false start cycle makes me feel somehow like the shi++y clinic deprived me of my chance. There have been so many BFP's in my universe, I feel it should've been my turn. I know that sounds mad, but this whole thing is kind of crazy.

Also mad is that i've been harbouring a strange (and even more illogical) hope that I might have pulled off the (might as well be) immaculate conception. Well, not so much immaculate as impossible. The thing is, i've got the sorest, swollen bosoms since my last 2WW. I don't normally get these symptoms outisde of an I.VF cycle, so my mind's started to wander... What if I pushed out more than one egg after my week on high dose Men.opur AND what if my tight os (cervix to you) was stretched to super highway status allowing maybe, just maybe one of Mr G's twitchers to shimmy on up, but then there'd have to be another "what if". What if one of Mr G's twitchers actually had a proper fully fledged tail...?

As you can see and as I type this I know it's an entirely misplaced hope, but the cruelty of IF does give you these false hopes. I almost didn't share as I know this is too far fetched to be worthy of the time spent (a) writing and (b) reading it.

Anyway, as i now have period pains and monstrous PMT, i'm sure this little fantasy will be over before we're out of 2007. Then we can plan cycle 4.5, or at least get the prep out of the way.

Enough of my crazy fantasies. We had a lovely Christmas. Mr G and I visited my Auntie and Uncle. They have a 4 yr old who's v sweet and we had a lovely relaxed day with them all. Ate (so much I was in pain for several hours afterwards) and then lounged around in their newly dug out basement with 8 foot cinema screen and HD TV. We hung out with them from 1pm until 10pm. On Boxing Day (a quaintly English day, I know) we took a v long walk to the cinema where we watched The Kite Runner, which was fantastic. It's set in Afghanistan and is a beautiful story. I got highly emotional though and at one point was so tearful thought i'd have to leave! (Won't share why or will ruin plot line)

Yesterday i met up with 2 girls from my MindBody group. They're both in their early 30's. One has decided to adopt and the other will do one more IV.F (she got OHSS on her first) before moving to adoption. They were talking about how you're in a better position to adopt in your early 30's, sending me into a panic about how perhaps we should be doing that sooner rather than later! I cooked supper for another Uncle and his wife last night. Homemade butternut squash soup (great recipe - you don't even peel the squash!), roasted whole sea bass with braised red cabbage and sauteed new potatoes and then griddled chestnut panettone with plums poachedin spiced red wine and creme fraiche.

Today, Mr G and I are off to the Cotswolds - 2 hrs NW of London and full of picture book perfect quaint villages. The weather is forecast to rain and perhaps snow!! Still, we're just going to cosy up, read and relax for 3 days. Back on NYE.

That's all my news. I'll catch up on all of yours when I get back on 31st Dec. I've a lot riding on 2008 - it's the year of action! xx


Almamay said...

Have a fantastic time in the Cotswolds. Don't get too down on yourself about having hope. Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things and no good thing ever dies.x

Bea said...

Well, glad you had a good Christmas despite everything. Definitely on to 2008 as the year of action.

Have a good break.


Carrie said...

I'm not at all surprised you feel cheated, a cancelled cycle is just so unfair.

As for the creeping in of hope, I think that happens to us all, when something is so important it is hard not wish for it.

I have a lot riding on 2008 too, I really hope it is a better year all round.