Wednesday, January 13, 2010

deeper and deeper

Soooooooooooo, at 8.30am the clinic calls. The embryo has done its thing and divided into a lovely 8 cell-er. They want us to go in in 1 hr and 30 mins to have it transferred. It's pouring with snow (does it 'pour' with snow or is there some other verb?) so they say not to stress over timings. Get there when we can.

Eeeeek.

I simply wasn't imagining this would happen. The 50:50 chance of a successful thaw has gone our way. Not only that, but apparently the embryo is almost top class, just a little bit of fragmentation knocking it off the top spot.

Blimey.

I'm playing with Barney and grinning like a lunatic. I HATE this! It's the top of the rollercoaster. The bit where you smile, you laugh and all's groovy. I've been here before. We're in with a chance.

I'm so unprepared for this. I've done no 'prep'. No depriving myself from caffeine, no acupuncture course, no vitamins or other paraphernalia. This can't be IV.F. IV.F doesn't work like this.

On the way in, I called two local acupuncture clinics to see if it'd be worth doing a post-transfer session. Both said yes. One (the lady who did my treatment pre and post last time) said she'd squeeze me in for pre and post. Bingo.

And then we're there. Back in the room where Barney joined us. The head Doc shaking our hands. Almost 2 years to the day. (Barney was transferred on 14th Feb) Everyone was lovely, but how weird. I left with a huge list of drugs to start. The usual, Cle.xane, Cyclo.gest, Prednis.olone, Ritodr.ine and aspirin. No I.VI.g this time. At least that keeps the cost down a little.

Mr G's started looking forward but I can't, can't, can't imagine it working. This is dangerous. Like the first cycle when you know it's not likely to succeed, but when it doesn't, the disappointment hits you like a ton of bricks and shoves you over into a hopeless, black precipice. We all know of top class embryos that have hit the dust. Still, the stakes are so different, there's a little boy living with us now. It must surely hurt less.

Luckily we had a sitter booked for today. She's hanging on to help out with B today whilst I loll in my bed. Mr G's on high stress alert and wants me off my feet and not lifting as much as possible. Yeah right. I've now told a few close people what's going on, but only on a 'need to know' basis.

6 comments:

Sue said...

That all sounds so hard. I'm wishing you peace, whatever the outcome of this transfer may be.

Hopeful Mother said...

Thinking of you.

Life in Eden said...

The whole hope but not hoping too much is so HARD. Wishing you all the best luck in the world.

Betty M said...

I am so hopeful for you. x

Sweet Georgia said...

Wow, that little embryo is sure giving you a run for your money! I'm so glad it made it to transfer. I understand completely what you mean about being at the top of the rollercoaster. Try to fill up all of your time and take things one day at a time. Keep us posted!

Soapchick said...

Excellent news. Hope he/she decides to burrow in for the long haul. You are in my thoughts P.