Displacement

I've a thousand things I should be doing, but i'm struggling with a restaurant review and i'd rather be talking to you.

Have had a busy few days so haven't really thought too much about our conundrum. Not a lot we can do anyway until I get my next period and have a better idea of when treatment dates are likely to fall. Am definitely giving it another month for the other appts and then probably going to go with Big Hair the next month. This may change if our interim consultation at the mother of all clinics gives us food for thought.

Something that happened at the weekend made me stop and think how lucky we are though. I was working (chef-ing) at a wedding and the husband of the girl I was working for - keeled over just before whilst they were loading up at home. He passed out but came around quickly. She insisted he go to hospital and dropped him there on her way to the job. She had to keep going as there were 150 guests to be fed. Halfway through service she came down to see us in tears - he apparently had 2 brain aneurisms (bleeding to you and me) and needed emergency open brain surgery. He's 30 something, in perfect health and had had no symptoms untl then. It makes you think - life can turn upside down in a second. It really threw me and i'm still really upset for them. She had to rush off and we finished the job - 2 chefs for 150 people - which was a bit mad.

Getting back to work and having something else to focus on has helped me get a bit of perspective. I'm still disappointed that I spend most of the time i'm out looking at children and pregnant women and thinking about my situation. I'd be 6 mths pg if my first IVF had worked. IF.... I'm gettting a little bitter and twisted and I don't like that at all. Obviously the previous paragraph's news hasn't affected my selfish self too much.

Things are brighter though - I'm enjoying teaching again too. Made up a gorgeous recipe for Thai Chicken Filo triangles which I taught to last night's pupil. They were delicious. Shame she had to take them all home.

Oh! Forgot to mention Sunday's MAD phone call. We write for a newspaper about our IVF. I think i'm giving too much away at this point, but i'm sure it's unlikely that anyone who reads this blog will be a reader of this paper. Anyway, we got an e mail from a reader asking us to call him. He turned out to be a devout rabbi who wants to help us in our plight. His suggestion was that we live by the Orthodox Jewish rules for a married couple - which involves abstaining at certain times of the month and then my visiting a ritual bath to cleanse me post period. He offered to come and visit to discuss the rules etc. I was standing in our garden listening to this (very kind) man wondering how my life became this IVF theme show. It gets madder each week.

Time to get on. It's Mr G's 40th birthday tomorrow and i've lots to do. Have still to buy him a gift and card but am taking him and our parents out for a posh lunch and then he and I are staying at a London hotel for one night. I'm more excited than him! I really want to make this birthday special because he so wanted for us to be expecting our baby by now and it hurts that we're so far away from it.

Thanks to those of you who've commented recently - i love reading them and knowing that someone out there is sharing this with me.