How embarassing...

I'm back from my booze and chocolate fest in France.

Mr G and I discovered the most amazing chocolate bar - Milka chocolate filled with salted peanuts and cornflakes. It was SO good we want to import it. It was hard to find so when we did see it we grabbed armsful. Good start to the new regime...not. We also found a really, really delicious white wine - Vouvray - which we drank a bottle of each night after drinking kir royales before dinner and rose at lunchtime.

The weather was perfect - blue sky and gorgeous sun all day each day. The chateau we stayed in Chateau St Paterne was also absolutely lovely. We had the most huge and fantastic room which had previously been an Orangerie and had 2 walls lined with floor to ceiling windows. The owner cooked the most delicious meals each night.

It was the perfect way to celebrate our first year of marriage, to grieve our failed IVF attempt and to remember what we're doing together. We laughed (a lot - especially when Mr G sat on an antique chair and the legs gave way beneath him - perhaps more horrified nervous giggling than laughter) and we cried quite a bit too - more me than him. It gave us a bit of space from the world to come to.

The only really crap moment was when - at the end of a drunken meal - he joked that he had more time than me (to reproduce) as he could find a younger model when my eggs have run out. He immediately realised what he'd said and couldn't believe his insensitivity. He aplogised a billion times, but i had to rush off to mop my eyes and have a bigger cry when we were back in our room. He's usually the most sensitive man in the world, but that really cut deep. He told me that some of my jokes have done the same - comments about his lazy swimmers etc have done some damage. I'll have to watch what I say a bit more too.

Coming home hasn't been great. I'm fighting off the grey clouds that are circling above my head but the weather's good and it's harder to be a moaner when you've got your Birkenstocks out. I've even painted my toenails!

Last story - as I hear Mr G arriving home and we're going out for a bite to eat. Today i went back to the dentist that i'd been to during the cycle. Those of you who have been paying attention may remember "Toothache-gate".

The last time I'd seen him i'd told him I was Pg, or at least could be as I was having IVF. This time I thought I must tell him I wasn't so that he could do injections if necessary. So, I strode in and announced "I'm not pregnant". He hadn't remembered the last visit and looked at me like I was mad, mumbling something about how I don't look pregnant. I realised how inappropriate that was and was mortified!

I then had to endure him telling me about Indian women's periods whlst I had my mouth full of a huge gum shield full of putty. Situations you don't ever imagine you will find yourself in...

I'll have to be careful who I announce i'm not pregnant too. I'm getting a bit free and easy with the whole discussing my reproductive system thing.

Hope all you girlies who shared the failed cycle experience are doing ok. We'll just have to pick ourselves up and start all over again.

xx