Wednesday, April 18, 2007

nothing in particular...

Not a lot going on here. Have gone into teary mode. Walking around with heavy heart.

Snickollet's blog has really upset me. Her entry was so simple and poignant. It made me cry and I still can't get her out of my head. Life is just so unfair - you meet the love of your life and go through all this IVF s**t to have their babies and, just when life's complete, it's all taken away from you. What's it all about? How can that be right?

I think the strength of my reaction is down to 2 things: firstly my father died of the same cancer just over 3 years ago and that still hurts big time and secondly, i must still be a bit progesteroned up still post-cycle. I think it's also due to it being so terribly, terribly sad. The way she writes is so frank, you feel part of her world.

I've been ovulating the last few days. On the plus side, it's reasonably soon after our cycle, so i'm pleased my body's is clicking back into gear. It's almost exactly my normal pattern. Only thing is though is that it's making me feel really, really crap about the fact that we can't do this on our own. We had our chance last month, and no matter how fertile I am, we're not going to be able to make babies without needles and pessaries. I'm just pissed off to be reminded of another pointless egg that'll turn into another miserable period in another two weeks. It's like my own body's mocking me.

Sorry to vent and be on such a downer. I know this stage will pass.

BTW, somehow missed that the lovely Infertili-me managed to get herself knocked up this cycle and it's all sounding very healthy in her neck of the woods. Really really pleased for her!

Must get on with some chores - off to teach at cooking school tonight

xx

2 comments:

My Reality said...

I hope tomorrow is a better day.

I would love to go to cooking school. Too bad we are on different continents. It makes it kind of hard to take you class.

Baby Blues said...

Cooking or baking makes me feel better. I think I'm so like Lizzie in Gr.ay's Anatomy, I'll be baking up a storm! It's therapeutic to me. Too bad my stove is busted.

Better days soon!