It's early morning of day 10 past 2 day transfer and it's like the clock has rolled back to last November. That was when I lost at my last go at this delightful game of "hold your nerve and retain some optimism as your body plays vile tricks with your mind".
Yesterday, on the same day as last time, the cramps began. Period like pains - that last time I vainly hoped were those embryos nestling down - started to appear. They've increased over the last 24 hours and what's a girl to think, other than "here we go again"...
Oh no! Oh no! Oh no!
I had a full sobbing meltdown last night after trying desperately to see the pains in a positive light - what positive light can there be?! - and feel similarly depressed this morning. I was doing so darn well.
But - and I almost feel foolish in clinging onto this raft of hope - it's not all over until the spotting begins. Thus far, no show, but if we're playing the "just like last time" routine, that should happen tomorrow morning.
In the meantime, i shall distract myself with work and some baking.
Watch this space...I shall be watching my knickers...i'm sure you'll be gagging to find out how Knickerwatch, the sequel ends
xx
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A London couple's struggle to conceive
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About Me
- Portia P
- I'm a 43 year old ex Londoner just moved to Hertfordshirewith my gorgeous husband. Attempt to multiply began "in sin" but, just after our wedding, tests revealed severe MF meant we could try all we liked but without a modern day miracle - or at least the wonders of science, we'd always be two. We were instantly launched into a whole new world of acronyms - the land of ART. After two and a half years trying to escape back to a world where full names rule, at the grand old age of 39 yrs and 11mths, I gave birth to our little miracle and two became three. Almost exactly 2 years later, our one frozen embryo turned into our second miracle and we are four. Still amazed and grateful.
Quick history
June 06 Back from honeymoon to test results of 100% abnormal sperm. All tails deformed. No swimmers. Straight to ICSI
Sept/Oct 06 IVF ICSI 1: 5 follicles, 4 eggs, 3 embryos, 2 transferred, 1 frozen BFN
Feb/March 07 IVF ICSI 2: 5 follicles, 4 eggs, 2 transferred BFN
June/July 07 IVF ICSI 3: 5 follicles, 4 eggs, 2 transferred BFN
Dec 07 IVF ICSI 4: cycle cancelled
Feb 08 IVF ICSI 4.5: 3 follicles (I thought), 5 eggs (!), 4 embryos, 2 transferred
26 Feb 08 BFP hcg 331 (15dpo)
27 Feb 08 hcg 660 (16dpo)
29 Feb 08 hcg 1459 (18dpo)
10 Mar 08 1st u/s shows 1 sac and a heartbeat!
23 April 12wk (Nuchal) scan (day before Mr G's birthday) gives us a 1 in 3000ish risk of Down's. Happy Birthday Mr G
20th June 20 wk (Anomaly) scan looking good and reduces our risk or Down's even further. Go TP!
31st October 08 Our little man makes his entrance
January 10 Natural Frozen Embryo Cycle
12 Jan 10 Our 1 embryo - frozen in Oct 06 - thaws!
13 Jan 10 Transfer
25 Jan 10 Oh my goodness - BFP! hcg 106 (12 dp3dt)
26 Jan 10 hcg 195 (13dp3dt)
28 Jan 10 hcg 495 (15dp3dt)
10th Mar 10 1st u/s shows 1 sac and a heartbeat!
Girls sharing the ride
Mummies
4 comments:
Oh Portia! I hear you. I'll be going through obsessive-panty-checking too. I think the wait is worse than the actual result. Just a few days to go...
So hoping this story has a good ending for you.
Portia: I feel the same way. I'm 8dp3dt and I'm having some cramps off and on. Of course, I've been having them since the beginning so I just don't know--I just don't know. I'm going to try to wait until the lady sings the blues before I give it up but oh dear is it hard. Try to hold on. I'll be waiting with you for news on the panty peeking progress and wishing so much that we are all wrong and only good news is waiting for us.
I'm hoping for you. Two out of the three times I've been pregnant, I felt af like cramps. (Granted, you don't want your pregnancies to end like mine, but I still take cramps as a possibly positive sign.) Hold on. Would you feel better or worse of you did take a hpt? Thinking of you.
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