Monday, February 25, 2008

Can you think yourself a BFN?

I'm sorry for my lack of updates.

On my 4th 2WW i'm just not feeling particularly excited or confident. I've felt all the same cramps and backaches as before and think i've probably not started bleeding yet (a) because i'm on ge.stone (injected prog.esterone) rather than cyclo.gest (the charming pessaries) and (b) because we're still only on day 11p3dt.

In my more hopeful moments I imagine it's all going to be ok and that the immune stuff will be the charm, but as I have absolutely no pg symptoms - constant urge to pee, smell aversion etc - those moments are few and far between.

I'm remarkably calm though and not jumping around over every symptom. No point - been here, seen it, done it. Nothing I can do to change what's already going on. If i'm wrong and this has worked then that will be amazing but if i'm right, and this try bites the dust too then we'll pick ourselves up and get on with our NH.S cycle which is v soon.

I'd booked a night away for Mr G, my folks and my out-laws (his folks) away on Saturday night to this country pubwhich is in The Cotswolds, about a 2 hour drive from our home. There are 8 rooms attached to the pub so you can have a relaxed meal knowing you only have to fall off your chair and into your bed when you're done.

It was the perfect timing for a distracting and v relaxing break. We all get on really well. We had a lovely dinner on Saturday night - the parents shared a bottle of wine (Mr G and I are tee total at the moment) and seemed very merry. Food was good and the atmosphere friendly.

On Sunday we had breakfast together and then visited a local village before going herefor lunch. Both pics are from web sites and much sunnier than the weather we had! After more delicious food, laughing and chat we all went our separate ways. Mr G and I watched Miss Potter (lovely film) during which I sobbed my eyes out (spot the girl packed with progesterone) before the night time jab.

One more sleep and i'll know my immediate fate. I worry that my negativity has stopped this treatment from working and that i'm just a bit too resigned and ready for failure. I'm trying to protect myself but perhaps some positive thinking would help matters....

Oh, on the symptom front - cramping - back and tum, less and less sore and swollen breasts, quite tired (but worrying i'm imagining myself into that as i've read it can be a sign!), not a lot else really.

I'll be back tomorrow or Wednesday with the scores on the doors.


Carrie said...

You CAN'T think yourself up a BFN. It just isn't possible. I think it is perfectly natural to feel this way. It is, as you said, away to protect ourselves.
I'm hoping it isn't necessary and it will be joyful news tomorrow. Thinking of you xx

Emma said...

A lot of women have had success with IVIg, so don't give up hope yet. Sending good vibes!!!!

As a quick aside, how long did you take DHEA, what dosage and would you say that it helped or hindered you?

Thanks! I'm just about to go into my first ICSI with diminished ovarian reserve and a DH that has a morphology of 0 - 2% typically.

Bea said...

You CAN'T think yourself a BFN. Whatever happens is out of your hands, and I'm glad you were able to have a nice weekend away in the middle of it all. I've got my fingers crossed... I guess we'll find out soon.


Foreverhopeful said...

Hi Portia. I completely understand what you are feeling. Its hard not to be negative and I'm sure partially its a defense mechanism as well. Just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking of you and hoping for positive news. Hang in there.

andi said...

Hello there,

I am really hoping for good news for you my dear.

My fingers are crossed this time is the ONE.


Almamay said...

Sending you lots of love for testing.