Monday, February 11, 2008

Good news and a moan

It's a big thumbs up from here...

...all went v smoothly. Arrived first at clnic at just before 6.45am. Waited a while - as usual before going down to theatre. Was first in, which was great so no hanging around. There were 2 ladies after me for EC.

Woke up and came around slowly with tea and digestive biscuits. Was too scared to ask how many eggs they'd retrieved. Was nervous they weren't telling me because they'd found nothing. Lay there watching the other girls coming out of EC and another having IVI.g trying not to be impatient. I think the anaesthetic made me uncharacteristically calm.

Anyway, cutting to the chase, the lovely nurse came over to tell me i had 5 eggs! FIVE! Not a huge tally for those more prone to producing frogspawn like clutches of eggs, but a wonderful score for this ovarian-ly challenged bird. I'm hoping at least two of those will fertilise.

Mr G's side of the operation wasn't quite so smooth. They couldn't find the key to the room men are usually sent to, so he was dispatched to a cold bathroom to do the do. During the process someone tried to get in - totally putting him off his stride. They, once it was all done, he dropped the (thankfully sealed) pot on the floor and was worried he might have damaged the little fellas. He was so upset and stressed by it all.

We called the embryologist when we got home and they said the fall shouldn't have done anything to them and that the sample seemed ok.

I'm now sitting with my feet up on the sofa, face in the gorgeous sun we've been having (which is lifting my spirits massively) and catching up with my blogosphere girlies. I so hope we get some good news tomorrow....
Oh - not wanting to put a dampener on my good news, but one of my 'friends' said something SO hurtful yesterday i'm still upset. I'm not sure if i'm overreacting or if i'm wallowing too much in my situation but it just underlined the total lack of understanding from the fertile.

One of our mutual friends has had a breast lump found to be cancerous. She's got to have it looked at tomorrow to see if the cancer has spread. She's 39 with 2 young girls. It's horrific news. They think they've got it really early though so i really hope she'll get good news. I can't imagine how she's feeling. It's really scary.

What upset me was the friend who was telling me, who said, that like me, the sick friend has good and bad days. Sometimes she (and I) don't feel like talking much. She then said, "but then at the end of the day if you can't have children you just can't have children but if you have cancer....that's something to be REALLY down about...".

The insinuation is that my stuff isn't really seriously bad. Now, i know that having cancer is about as bad as it gets and I'm not looking to get into a who's got it worse competition because there wouldn't be one BUT i'm not sure she really gets just how painful and distressing IF really is. I was totally lost for words and stayed silent. I'm not sure she's a good person for me to be around or maybe I'm the selfish one for taking it the wrong way. I don't know. I just hope this comes out right...

It got me thinking though, that the fact is, i'm not really scared of illness and dying. I'm not sure i'd mind if my life had to stop tomorrow. I know that sounds like i'm a head case and in need of medication, but I genuinely feel that way. Does that make me depressed? I'm not sure? Maybe having kids gives you more of a fear of leaving people behind. I don't WANT to die, I just don't fear it....

Anyway - on a more cheery note, my Mummy's back tomorrow from Australia. She's been gone more than two months and i'm SO looking forward to seeing her! She doesn't know about this cycle. Can't wait to tell her. Hope there' more good news then.


soapchick said...

Fabulous news on the 5 eggs Portia! I hope they all fertilize, yes I'm greedy. Eeeks about hubby's difficulties but sounds like it all worked out. Sorry about your insensitive friend, but hey that's why you have us out in blogland! We understand. Enjoy your rest.

JJ said...

Way to go Portia! Please do take it easy! Been thinking about you--and I look forward to the fert report.
Im sorry about the insensitive friend--like soapchick said, we can relate-and we are all here to roll our eyes for you at the insensitivity!

Foreverhopeful said...

Hi Portia. I'm so sorry to hear about your failed cycle in December but glad to see you aren't giving up. Congrats on the 5 eggs and I'm hoping for a great fertility report.

And I can not believe your insensitive friend. She just has no clue how hard and how painful infertility is. There is an article I read once that many women going through infertility report similar levels of anxiety and depression to women with cancer, HIV or heart disease. So that is a fact and it upsets me how ignorant people are. I've had people like that in my life and I distanced myself. I realized infertility is painful and hard enough and I don't need people like that in my life. Big hugs to you...!

Rebecca said...

Good job with the ER...the fall will be something you can all hopefully laugh at one day!

Friends are amazing, aren't they? Some say the greatest things and some just ruin you. I agree that this is somewhat like a type of cancer...maybe it's not the worst, but it's still there invading your thoughts and your body every day - every minute! Just try to let it go and realize that some people will NEVER know how you feel or what you're going through.

Good luck with everything else!!!

Carrie said...

5 eggs is fantastic! I am so pleased for you. Your poor husband, I know their part isn't on the same scale but there is still a lot of stress involved. This sounds like an already stressful situation made so much worse.

And your friend, this is truly an example of how people, even those we think have a clue, just don't understand the real effect IF has on our entire being.
I'd find it very difficult to be open with her after a comment like that.
Try not to dwell though, just think, FIVE eggs!!

My Reality said...

5 eggs are fantastic! That is incredible news!

I am sorry your friend just doesn't get it.

Waiting Amy said...

Wishing you lots of luck with those 5 great eggs! Keep us updated!

Melanie said...

Five is a wonderfully lucky number. Well done. May they really get it on in the petri dish. Before this infertility experience, I would have been appalled and shocked that a "friend" would make such a lame brained comment. Sadly, nothing surprises me anymore.

Bea said...

Five! Eggs!

As for the friend, I don't think you're overreacting. It's never appropriate to belittle someone's pain by essentially saying "it doesn't really matter". Especially when the effects of childlessness stay with you for a lifetime, whereas hopefully your friend will be treated successfully for her cancer.

Not that life will ever be the same for her, but just looking at two breast cancer survivors I know (incl my mum and an IVF cycle buddy) and how their lives have progressed from the time of diagnosis, and in the second case how much that woman felt she was affected by infertility, compared to her experience of cancer.

But I wasn't really trying to compare. The point is, it's not appropriate to tell someone their problems don't matter, when really they have perfectly legitimate woes.


Mr. & Mrs. M@sk said...

5 eggs! Well done! Completely understand your hurt over your friends comment. Have had the same thing said to me.

Thalia said...

There are several cancer survivors in this community, and I remember reading a post from one of them saying that infertility is WORSE than the cancer, so yah boo and sucks to your insensitive friend. It's never helpful to offer up those kind of asshatttery comparisons, and I'd be tempted to tell her so if it happens again.

but five eggs?? You go girl.

Frenchie said...

Hooray for 5 eggs! Way to go.

Sorry, but that lady who made that remark sounds like a nincompoop. Harumph. Avoid her, at least right now. Does that make me sound childish? Oh well.

sarah23 said...

Argh about your friend's comment. I think I understand what she is trying to say (she thinks that a life/death situation is terrifying), but IF really interferes with our core human desires to reproduce, parent, etc... I don't think your friend understands how devastating IF can be.

My DH gives his sample in a pretty comfortable room (outfitted with porno magazines and videos), but last time he was there, the office staff was right outside the door, moving some enormous object. I'm gueesing it was a liquid nitrogen tank or something. I'm sure it would make it difficult to concentrate!!