Woke up in the early hours. MDB gets up at 5 to go to work and I couldn't tell if he was there or not. Put an arm out and was glad to feel he was. Remembered what happened yesterday and my heart sank...MDB held me for a bit but had to go. I lay there trying to sleep for an hour, but everything kept running through my mind and at 6am, I got up and made myself a cup of tea and used the HPT MDB brought home yesterday. First time i've ever used one! It was, not surprisingly negative, but just underlines that this run is over.
Went to work at my desk and immersed myself in that for a couple of hours until my Mum rang me at 8. Shed a few tears and got some mummy love. She thinks i've been really brave. I'm not so sure. It's more a matter of just keeping going. MDB is my rock - couldn't do this without him - in more ways than one!
It was such a grey day. I txtd my close friends to update them so I don't get a raft of msgs on Friday asking for the score. Got back a heap of gorgeous msgs. What is life without your girlyfriends?! MDB's mum rang to see how I was and was SO sweet.
Went to visit a friend in a nearby hospital. She's been really down, so I picked up Starbucks - my first in WEEKS - a muffin and a copy of Heat (great gossip mag for those overseas) and sat with her. Left her feeling a whole lot better.
MDB was home from work - he presents a morning show - by the time I got home, but was asleep. Felt secure just knowing he was home. Worked all afternoon with intermittent phone calls from my gorgeous mates.
One friend (a v close one) is due to have her baby in 2 weeks and is really conscious that i might be feeling it. I don't really, but am just a bit raw today and probably for a few days. I'll be v happy for her when her little one (her third) arrives. Just as i'm over the moon for Heather - HOW great is that?! - one step closer to Desperately finding baby!
I made another appt with our Dr. We'll sit down with him and discuss what next in 2 weeks time. He'll want us to wait at least 2 periods before starting again. At least i'm well into the first!
So, i'll live, but will go into the next one with a little bit more trepidation.
xx
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A London couple's struggle to conceive
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About Me
- Portia P
- I'm a 43 year old ex Londoner just moved to Hertfordshirewith my gorgeous husband. Attempt to multiply began "in sin" but, just after our wedding, tests revealed severe MF meant we could try all we liked but without a modern day miracle - or at least the wonders of science, we'd always be two. We were instantly launched into a whole new world of acronyms - the land of ART. After two and a half years trying to escape back to a world where full names rule, at the grand old age of 39 yrs and 11mths, I gave birth to our little miracle and two became three. Almost exactly 2 years later, our one frozen embryo turned into our second miracle and we are four. Still amazed and grateful.
Quick history
June 06 Back from honeymoon to test results of 100% abnormal sperm. All tails deformed. No swimmers. Straight to ICSI
Sept/Oct 06 IVF ICSI 1: 5 follicles, 4 eggs, 3 embryos, 2 transferred, 1 frozen BFN
Feb/March 07 IVF ICSI 2: 5 follicles, 4 eggs, 2 transferred BFN
June/July 07 IVF ICSI 3: 5 follicles, 4 eggs, 2 transferred BFN
Dec 07 IVF ICSI 4: cycle cancelled
Feb 08 IVF ICSI 4.5: 3 follicles (I thought), 5 eggs (!), 4 embryos, 2 transferred
26 Feb 08 BFP hcg 331 (15dpo)
27 Feb 08 hcg 660 (16dpo)
29 Feb 08 hcg 1459 (18dpo)
10 Mar 08 1st u/s shows 1 sac and a heartbeat!
23 April 12wk (Nuchal) scan (day before Mr G's birthday) gives us a 1 in 3000ish risk of Down's. Happy Birthday Mr G
20th June 20 wk (Anomaly) scan looking good and reduces our risk or Down's even further. Go TP!
31st October 08 Our little man makes his entrance
January 10 Natural Frozen Embryo Cycle
12 Jan 10 Our 1 embryo - frozen in Oct 06 - thaws!
13 Jan 10 Transfer
25 Jan 10 Oh my goodness - BFP! hcg 106 (12 dp3dt)
26 Jan 10 hcg 195 (13dp3dt)
28 Jan 10 hcg 495 (15dp3dt)
10th Mar 10 1st u/s shows 1 sac and a heartbeat!
Girls sharing the ride
Mummies
4 comments:
I remember my Grey Day from my first cycle - much like yours. Waking up and realizing it was not just a bad dream, but at least having my husband there for comfort.
Hang in there - I know this is really tough!
Ahhh lovely starbucks - I have forgotten what coffee tastes like - good to hear you have had plenty of pals on the phone... and ofcourse your fella being a sweetie. It is great news about Heather - and Kristen - who is having TRIPLETS - sooooo my dear it will happen for you too! Thanks for you advice re the phone - I will get him to try - and anyway - maybe its best that we don't know the result during our trip away!!? Tho I too am a woman that likes to take action.
Ahhh lovely starbucks - I have forgotten what coffee tastes like - good to hear you have had plenty of pals on the phone... and ofcourse your fella being a sweetie. It is great news about Heather - and Kristen - who is having TRIPLETS - sooooo my dear it will happen for you too! Thanks for you advice re the phone - I will get him to try - and anyway - maybe its best that we don't know the result during our trip away!!? Tho I too am a woman that likes to take action.
Take care. You will be there one day soon!
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